#i’m really not sure how to articulate all my thoughts but i hope i at least got some of the vibe across

[squipa]

“i guess i’m stuck forever by the glue, oh, and you”

aka— how jason loves you (acts of service) ⭒

———

jason todd doesn’t know how to love you. he’s been constantly cast aside, beaten down, grown up seeing how the only real parental figures in his life stare at romantic interests with lust and not purest love. he never learned where to press tender kisses or when to whisper sweet nothings, so the unfettered affection that overwhelms him presses so hard against his chest he can feel an aching heart bulging painfully against his skin.

yet, in the center of his being, nestled right under his left ventricle and between the most delicate of his ribs, there is a little boy terrified of losing the only woman he’s ever been capable of loving, the only person capable of loving him.

so he works— day and night, doing all that he can to ensure that this overwhelming fear, a horror that shakes him body and soul, can never come to fruition. before you could even realize you liked him, he never left your apartment, fixing things you hadn’t even realized were broken. your sink, your fridge, your heater— you threw out the little magnets with the numbers of plumbers and electricians, because jason took care of your crumbling home like it was his.

there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. not a line he would fail to cross if you looked up at him with those tired doe eyes that pierce his once unbreachable walls and bewitch him entirely.

he can’t quite say he loves you. it’s the most difficult thing he’s ever done and he doesn’t know why. he’s said it twice under normal circumstances, six times if you count intoxication and near death experiences— which he does not. he does love you, without question or doubt, he’s so in love with you it hurts him. he just fails at every attempt to articulate it. he wishes he could tell you every day when you wake up, every night before you fall asleep, and every moment in between— but he just can’t. he’s scared that real ‘i love you’s’ will sour into fake ones and tender goodnight kisses will rot into resentment, so he avoids them entirely.

but he shows you. maybe he doesn’t know that he’s supposed to open every door or cover bare shoulders with his jacket, but he knows how to make himself indispensable. he knows you hate coming home to an empty fridge so he makes sure you won’t. he takes care of your car before you were even aware of an issue— oil changes, flat tires, and anything beyond the norm and he makes sure you never have to pay a penny of it.

and the dates you go on— they’re perfectly planned, itineraries crafted with doting hands and warm intentions. he doesn’t go all out very often, he’s more inclined to spend his evenings at home with you in his arms, but on anniversaries, or your birthday? it’s elaborate and enchanting— fantastic really is the only word proper enough in grandeur to describe it. candlelit homemade dinners and gifts that, while never expensive or over the top, are so thoughtful you tear up every time.

yes, while he is an undeniably clumsy lover, a man who was never given the tools to show just how much he is capable of, jason todd loves you too much to ever let go. it is in no way malicious the way he traps you in a rose colored box, making sure you feel loved and cared for and safer in his arms than anywhere else.

———

1. trying out new things with formatting!! i’d love feedback on it if you like this style more than my previous one!!

2. soooo sorry i haven’t posted in awhile. this week has been HELL. ap testing. graduation around the corner. hours at the vet. flat tire. fanfic writer curse is REAL. i meant to post this like a year ago & i just could not finish it. sorry it’s so short too i’m just exhausted :( hope y’all enjoyed!!!!!!

[wrotebymii]

HOUSE FIEND | Date Everything gn!Reader

Summary: You are the friend of the Homeowner, they need you to house sit for a month. During the time weird things happen that you hope to ignore.

Warning: Fluff, banter. I named the homeowner ‘Homie’ cause I can’t keep calling them homeowner, Homie befriended everyone, no love plot.

PART TWO | MASTERLIST | READ ME

What you thought of Homie didn’t really matter, you were friends with them and Sam. Though, you’d be a liar if you said you didn’t think they were slightly crazy—since the group chat consisted of them ranting about their…household objects…and their relationship status with each of ‘em.

You’d also be a liar if you said you weren’t at least a little bit curious about ‘Dateviators’ especially now because they asked you to house-sit for them. You stared at the message blankly, not reading the entire paragraph of why they needed to be away from the house for a long period of time—something about making sure they aren’t on their trail about having the glasses…whatever that meant.

You type back “yap alert” then adding “sure”

Then going back to mundane work life, when your manager snapped at you for slacking. Hmm, maybe a month house sitting and working at home would be better.

You wouldn’t say you’re a hermit like Homie, but sitting somewhere that isn’t a cramped cubicle would be a nice new environment. And keep you from the itching that thought in the back of your head to resign.

After a few weeks of preparation and informing your bosses that you’ll be working from home for the time being, you grab your packed backpack and walk up to their home. You’re about to knock on the door with your knuckles but you notice the…rather small door knocker and gently use that instead.

Dorian was apprehensive at first seeing you, readying himself for an obnoxious pound at the door that would escalate to more knocking when Homie didn’t come fast enough, but no. You stopped yourself and used the actual door knocker and waited patiently.

He liked you already, platonically, of course.

Homie opened the door and not so gracefully dragged you inside. They looked paranoid looking you up and down with aviators as if you’re a spy—shaking their head they started explaining. Something about how their parents are finally talking with them again, and blah blah blah.

“I can’t take Sky- Er…the glasses with me cause they’d probably take her back, and these are like my prized possession…” Rightfully ignoring the feminine pronouns for the glasses, cause what? You tease them a bit.

“Good to know your bank will repossess…glasses instead of like? Your car or something to inconvenience you more” From behind you, the curtains hung up on a bronze rod ruffle. Homie glares at it.

“Okay, it seems to me that you need to spend some time out of this house…and…interact with humans” The stairs creak along with the walls—something from the living room shutters.

You don’t notice Homie muttering under their breath “they didn’t mean it like that…”

“Your house makes a lot of noise, huh?” You ask, they guide you around each room, they grab their luggage rushing out the door—waving at things…then turning to me as they’re stepping outside. The door groans as if displeased, causing Homie to sigh.

You ignore it, better for your sanity to place logical reason to it. They grab your hands firmly, then take off the glasses and place them in your palm—like it’s a sacred symbol.

“Take care of the house, I hope you get alo—ugh just be nice, don’t break things…or insult things.” They say with a wave of their hand trying to articulate their wishes best for you.

“Also, feel free to use the glasses…I think they—well maybe not all of them but new faces are nice, I think” They pause pondering the thought comedically. Their statements and backtracking is throwing you through a loop.

“Okay, I don’t have time to explain the glasses, but if you try them I’m sure Skylar is willing to help you—‘kay byyye!!” They skip away nearly tripping on the walkway payment to their car. You laugh which was more like a huff.

You placed a hand on the back of the door to close it but it quickly shuts on its own, and a click locks. You stand there processing the weirdness of that but to convince yourself you mutter.

“Must’ve been the wind…” Look down at the top lock that you knew you didn’t touch.

“…intelligent wind…” You felt a breeze caress your check—not wanting to stay and stare in one place that would likely make you lose it and probably talk to—you don’t know maybe the personification of dread, just spitballing. You take your bag and place it next to the sofa and the glasses on the coffee table. Deciding that you’ll be sleeping there after you plopped down and melted into the cushioning.

You rather not sleep in Homie’s bed after giving great detail about how the Dateviators worked and how most of their home appliances are frisky. They never said that they’ve slept with any of them but you couldn’t get the teasing comments you’d make with Sam about it.

Thus, sleeping on the sofa no matter how many kinks you get in your neck or sore spots you get. Now that you think of it. How many of your friend’s household necessities are sentient? Also, how does that work?

You look at the glasses on the table that felt like they were inching closer to you. If—hypothetically—you were to put them on in your home would it be the same set of people or different? What are the laws of their physics? Is the object their body—or does the glasses make them transform into a mirror person? Or maybe it just takes their consciousness and personifies it instead of the inanimate object—

You groan and log your head back against the couch, bringing a hand up to rub between your eyes.

First day you and you were already thinking of the impossible, becoming your friend.

You need to do something to keep your mind off it.

Maybe writing out some emails will help.

You pretend to not care about how you felt you were being watch but in a weirdly comforting—almost robotic way. Like a person looking out for someone they don’t really know but need to be friendly with.

Weird things have started happening that you refuse to understand or accept in anything other form than a vague logical explanation.

You were working inside the office, they allowed you to use their computer you ignored when they said “they’re friendly”

It ran faster than the company issued one in your cubicle, you were nearly done with a very long chain email to your co-workers when out of the corner of your eye something moved. You didn’t even glance at first thinking it was from the light coming from the windows behind you.

It happened again. You squint at the monitor forcing yourself to stay focused, then again, then—drop.

Something fell, hit the side of the desk making a wobbled thud and onto the rug. You snapped your head to the side, realizing that the red die was missing.

You get up and peer over, seeing it laying on the ground. Rolled onto a 20. You roll your eyes and snicker. Picking it up and placing it back where it was—sitting back in the chair to start typing where you left off only to notice that…it's completely finished.

You scroll through the email—your email and are completely bewildered by the perfect spelling and even creative suggestions for the upcoming events at the office. You slack your head into your palm, mouth agape as you read through it.

Homie did say…the computer was…friendly.

You take a few minutes to think about if you should scrap it or let it be and send it. Sighing with a reluctant hmm.

Mac takes it as a thank you.

You needed a break and a high dose of caffeine…or maybe something from that mini bar you’ve been eyeing—why did Homie even have a mini bar?

Through the walkway and into the kitchen, heading straight for the coffee maker. There were some cute decorative cups by it that you placed on the center of it. Tapping a few buttons and crossing your fingers that you didn’t break it. The air fills with the rich scent of coffee.

As you wait you glance at the cute cat clock on the wall thinking about what you’ll have for dinner soon. As the coffee continues you look around their cabinets and fridge noticing how it’s only junk/fast food minus the few rarities.

The coffee dings. Stopping your search for nutritional value foods. When you took the cup you stopped. The coffee was decorated with a chocolate wafer, a dollop of vanilla cream that spread out into a beautiful design similar to a leaf, and some speckles of caramel.

This was not your typical desperate espresso that the break room had…no…this was art—something you could shed a tear at.

It made you feel guilty taking a sip and ruining the artwork. It was packed with sugar but on everything that you owned—it was the best goddamn drink you’ve ever had. It literally made you moan a “oh shit—“

You slumped your shoulders letting the warm drink fill you, trying to ignore the positive energy that was radiating from the machine. Kopi was happy you enjoyed it. You were too preoccupied with the coffee you nearly trip on your way back to the office.

You look down. Your foot was on the arm of a clothes hanger. Stepping back you look up, eyes wide in confusion. There were multiple hangers hooked onto a vent, cold air flushing out.

You do something you’re not entirely why you considered it: You pick up the hang you accidentally stepped on, dusting it off annnddd…hooking it with the rest of them.

You stare at the hangers feeling stupid.

You question how the hangers got there but that’ll give you a headache. The only thing your dumb human brain comes up with is that there could be a ghost.

And honestly you’d take the ghost over sentient objects.

So, you’ll suck it up and deal with dancing around the fact your friend is in kahoots with their memorabilia and or ghost.

You had finished making dinner with the minimal ingredients that were in the kitchen and ate in peaceful silence before cleaning up.

You are hand washing them because the dishwasher gave you the creeps after you stared at it for a long period of time. You’re at the sink rinsing the plate, on with healed cracks and seams on it like it’s been meticulously fixed with delicate hands.

You wonder if Homie did this.

You smile at the thought. Daisuke smiles at you, appreciating your gentle touch to his dishes.

As you dry the plate and silverware finishing up cleaning. You turn, and there on the center of the table were the glasses…didn’t you put them on the coffee table?

Your brain couldn’t comprehend it—so much so you again choose to ignore it. Slowly walking away while maintaining eye contact with the glasses.

This is going to be a long month.

[foreverromanticising]

renegade | ln4

(3) a minor confession has lando rethinking his choices and, again, ends with you back in his bed

lando norris x fem!reader | 2.1k words | a perfect summer with lando norris

masterlist<3

To ask you to play twenty questions with him on the drive over to your hostel would be a total and utter cliche of Lando, so he never phrased it as playing twenty questions. Instead, he suggested the two of you simply get to know one another - a far more mature approach, he thought so.

And so, he soon learned that you had two cats back home, got straight As when you were in school, and that you had never had a boyfriend. Two of those facts made sense to him, however one did not.

“So like, never? Never never?” He tried to keep his eyes on the famously twisting roads of Greece but he couldn’t help looking over at you in pure shock. You had to be lying to him, surely? “Not even for, like, a few weeks in school? Something stupid?”

“Yes, Lando, I’ve like never never had a boyfriend,” It wasn’t that you weren’t used to this reaction from people whenever you revealed this, it was expected of anyone to have hit this minor milestone in life by their early twenties. But you weren’t so sure why Lando seemed so shocked, he had only met you a mere 12 hours ago. “I don’t know how else to say to make you believe it.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, like yeah, you’re telling the truth. I just can’t get why - do you just not, like, want a boyfriend?” Lando was sure that if he had become - only slightly - enthralled by you in such little time then he was certain back in your hometown must have felt the same way. 

“No, I did, for a while,” You shrugged your shoulders and averted his gaze, looking out at the sea front instead. “But, I mean, guys say one thing to you and do the other. Y’know, make you believe what you want to believe instead of what’s actually happening in front you. I just- I don’t want to be stupid again, I’d rather just be myself.”

A beat passed and Lando never said anything, instead he simply pulled into a parking spot across from your hostel.

“Sorry, I dunno why I’m telling you all this - I don’t even know you, really,” You rambled off apologies, embarassment suddenly flushing your face. “You don’t want to hear about my boy troubles.” You quickly jumped out of Lando’s car before he could get a word in as you hoped to escape any further embarassment.

He sat perplexed, to say the least. Truly, Lando hadn’t meant to make you feel embarassed for telling him, for revealing a part of yourself to him, and he realised he should’ve changed his reaction ever so slightly. You didn’t need to be made to feel any worse for this than he was sure other people had already made you feel. 

It was a quick ten minutes before you had your way back to his car, backpack slung over your shoulders as you slumped back into Lando’s passenger seat.

“Look, I’m sorry for making you feel-”

“I shouldn’t have unloaded all of that-”

You both spoke at the same time, not allowing another moment of silence to float throughout Lando’s car before you huffed out a laugh, realisation of how absurd this entire situation was finally hitting you. Then, Lando finally spoke up again.

“I asked you because I wanna get to know you, you don’t need to feel embarassed or whatever,” He was never the most articulate but Lando wanted to make you feel comfortable, he didn’t want you to feel anywhere near humiliated in his car nevermind because of him. “I wanna hear what you have to say, and not because I’m like prying, but ‘cause I think you’re cool. And I think it’s really cool you’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve had nothing but horrible reviews from old girlfriends so I don’t think you’re missing out on too much.” 

Your time outside of the car had given Lando time to think about your words, about how you had described your experiences with guys in the past. He was sure that how you felt about whoever you were referring to was exactly how girls from his past would describe him, and he wasn’t one to be proud of that. Instead, a pang of guilt rang through his chest.

“If it’s any consolation, in the time I’ve known you, I’d be forced to give you a glowing review.” You weren’t sure you wanted to know about Lando’s exes, whoever they were, because you weren’t sure that it mattered to you.

The Lando you knew had been nothing but considerate and kind, and you wanted to keep it that way. You didn’t know what this was between the two of you, but you knew that you didn’t want to taint it - even if it were to end that night, you wanted to leave with a happy memory of Lando.

“Yeah, I’m sure they all said that the first night too then they changed their mind once they got to know me.” Lando laughed, his words light and he didn’t pay much thought to them as he drove away from the hostel.

However, before you could open your mouth to comment on them, he changed the topic. Sure, you could open up to him but he wasn’t sure he wanted to open up his soul, not just yet. He liked knowing you had a positive perception of him in your mind.

“And a backpack, really? You’ve been travelling for how long and all you’ve got is that tiny bag?” He shook his head as he looked at the regular sized backpack in your lap, it looked no different to a backpack someone would take to school rather than a professional backpackers bag. “There can’t be more than five outfits in there.”

“Seven actually, one for each day of the week and then pyjamas - that’s all I need,” You were quick to correct him, a grin stretching over your lips as you proved him wrong. “You ever heard of a washing machine, Lan?”

“Yeah, ‘course, what’d you take me for?” He scoffed and continued driving, though with no particular destination in mind. “I’m just saying, surely, you’d want some difference in your life.”

“I’m not exactly getting the excitement in my life from my clothes, I dunno about you.”

“And where are you getting that excitement from, hm?” Lando’s hand made its way from the steering wheel to your thigh, pushing up the material of his basketball shorts and giving your skin a subtle squeeze - his eyes flicking over to the faint marks from his nips and bites the night before, a smirk making its way onto his lips.

“Travelling’s nice, y’know, seeing cultures and places really excites me,” You knew exactly what Lando wanted to hear but it was fun to play with him, even the in the smallest ways. “Just really gets me going, Lan.” Your voice dropped slightly, purposefully trying to sound airy and light as you felt Lando’s grip on your thigh tighten as you batted your eyelashes at him.

��Yeah, just the different places, what about what’s in the places?” He wanted to hear you say it, to say he excited you - to say you had had just as much fun as he had the night before.

“You’re not too bad, I suppose,” You shrugged your shoulders and let out a laugh whilst he pinched your bare skin, swatting his hand away. “Travelling is cool, though, it’s exactly what I wanted it to be.”

“And what was that?”

“It’s stupid but I wanted to get out of what I thought I wanted - uni, a boyfriend, a normal job. I didn’t want the same life as all my friends from school, I wanted something else,” You absentmindedly slipped your fingers through Lando’s, still on your thigh, as though it was the most normal thing in the world - and he didn’t think twice about it. “I took a gap year, and then another, and here I am.”

“What’d you do with your gap years?” Lando wanted to hear you keep talking, glad you felt more comfortable that what you first did when you had started opening up.

“Worked, like, a lot - I knew I wanted to travel for a while so I knew I’d need to afford it somehow,” You grimaced at the thought of your time back at work, the gruesome reality that was retail haunting you even across the globe. “Money’s not ran out yet so I did something right.”

“How long do you think you can make it work ‘till you need to head back home?” Lando was in awe of your dedication to travelling, that familiar pang of guilt hitting him once again - you had worked for years for trips he could simply decide on a whim if he wanted to go on. The sudden realisation of how different the worlds you had come from had dawned upon him.

“Depends how I’m living, I could make it stretch for at least another few weeks,” You shrugged and really thought about it, a few less nights out and meals out and you would be able to stay afloat for a few more countries. “Hostels are cheap which is good, it’s just the people you end up living with that make me wonder if it’s really worth it- shit, I need to figure out a hostel for tonight.”

Suddenly, you were reminded of your lack of a place to stay. You were meant to be on a boat as you spoke to Lando, sat in his car, with his ringed hand sitting pretty on your thigh and instead you were left with nowhere to go ‘home’ that night. You hadn’t exactly thought this far ahead but who could blame you? You couldn’t be expected to think properly when you had Lando’s curly head between your thighs as he offered up his bed for the night. Now, that night had passed and you were left stranded, in a sense.

“Don’t be daft, pretty,” Lando laughed at the absurdness of your words, shocked that you would even think you’d have to search for a place to stay that wasn’t his bed. “Stay with me tonight, my bed’s sat patiently waiting for you to come back. Dunno if last night was enough for me, if I’m honest.”

“Lan, I really appreciate the offer but I couldn’t possibly just waltz back into your villa like it’s nothing,” You heart swelled and your cheeks flushed with Lando’s words but you didn’t want to intrude in his villa, never mind on his holiday. “And, like, the whole point of travelling is to travel - you don’t really spend a lot of time in one place, I’m meant to keep moving.”

“I can keep you moving, that’s for sure.” 

“Lando!”

“No, but I’m serious, baby,” He laughed as you dropped his hand and swatted his shoulder, trying to dodge your light hits. “I’m sure you can spare a night or two here, and it’s not waltzing if I invite you into my villa - I want you there.”

“I don’t know, your friends are there too, I wouldn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable by staying there.” You could feel yourself warming up to Lando’s offer, toying with the idea in your mind but you couldn’t help but think of the cons of the situation too.

“They won’t bat an eyelid, don’t worry about it.” Lando knew for certain that his friends wouldn’t question that he had a girl staying over, in fact they would probably expect it, but he knew they would probably think twice about the fact it was the same girl over multiple nights - that was uncommon for him.

“Mhm, that’s just what I want to hear before I agree to stay with you.” You rolled your eyes at what he was implying though you tried not to dwell on it, trying to force yourself to stay present with him.

“Please.” He wasn’t above begging you, he craved to have you back in his arms for a few more nights, if you would want that too.

“I mean, if you’re offering.” You smiled brightly and accepted his offer for a place to stay, to stay with him on his holiday for a few more days - the prospects of what was to come left you utterly cheesing beside him. Lando wasted no time in rolling up to a stop sign and leaning across the console of the car to capture your lips with his, and you could simply feel his smile through his kiss.

[dekusleftsock]

Someone described Katsuki’s thoughts on their future as this “catch and chase” esc game and I can’t stop thinking about catch-a-Kacchan now. The symbolism of that now is so telling with Katsuki’s new admission. Oh my god.

Like of course izuku could never catch Kacchan: that was the game. The hope that their rivalry and therefore their new found relationship could stay this way forever. He would never lose Izuku because they were always trying to catch each other—chase, grab, hold, let go, and chase again.

IT EVEN PUTS A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON KATSUKI’S PHRASING OF CALLING OFA A “CURSED POWER”

Honestly it almost feels like the end to this statement, one he never quite articulated to himself, and especially not to the world. Ofa gives power, ofa gives hope, and ofa ties itself to the people it interacts with. Ofa breathes the life into the game of their lives, catch and release.

Ofa may be a cursed power, but I just thought we’d be competing, and I’d be on your heels, for the rest of our lives…

Because ofa is the beacon that, on a very literal level, allows catch-a-Kacchan to exist. What do I do if I don’t have an excuse to be with you? What if I don’t deserve it?

AND THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF HOW KATSUKI ALWAYS WON CATCH-A-KACCHAN WAS THAT HE HAD TO TAP IZUKU ON THE BACK… HE HAD TO MANEUVER HIMSELF BEHIND IZUKU TO WIN…. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME

And it’s such a small detail of symbolism, and idec if it’s purposeful, it’s just the fact that it exists at all that I love it so god damn much.

As Izuku tries to comfort him in the only way he really knows how (“well I still have the embers! It was a nice dream while it lasted! Please don’t cry you’re just overly sensitive right now, I’m sure you won’t feel this way later..”), and as Katsuki believes that the only way he’s allowed into Izuku’s life is this small glimpse into their rivalry—and, in spite of it all, allmight reminds them that they have changed.

The world, it has changed. The winds still blow high across the country, and we are reminded that the most important part of despair is the connection we have with each other. They are not just heroes, they are the greatest heroes—together.

The world will never be the same—and isn’t that the most beautiful part of it all? That we have changed, together?

[mshalfemptygirl]

Cupid (S.R)

Plot: Our favorite Doutor confess feels to his best friend also co-worker, Y/N.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAUFem!Reader

Contents: Really quicky mention to drinks, cases, makeout but fluffy for sure.

A/N: hello readers, I disappeared for a year because of work and college and a serious health problem but I'm better than ever and coming back to writing has brought me back to life. I hope you like her because she's cute, a couple from a romance movie basically, so like and share if you like it.

"Alright, Spence. What are your thoughts on the woman over there in the dark green dress? She looks elegant, charming, and quite attractive. She might even share an interest in the books you enjoy, don’t you think? What’s your take?" I gestured toward the woman who had just taken a seat at the bar, alone. I was on a mission to play matchmaker for Spencer. Although he hadn’t asked for my help, I thought it would be useful to offer a female perspective. Spencer’s inherent shyness meant he needed substantial guidance in social situations, especially when it came to women.

The ambiance was pleasant. We were seated at a table near the main entrance. Given that it was Thursday, the bar was relatively quiet, but it was the only day we both had free to unwind after a grueling series of cases in New York. Honestly, I’m not sure what’s been happening this past month, but I’ve reviewed so much material that when I close my eyes, I still see the words on the pages. And Spence? The poor guy has never analyzed so many maps in his life. I thought this break was well-deserved, and he certainly deserved a chance to spend time with someone special. Well, both of us could use a moment with someone, but I’m on a cupid’s mission and need to stay focused—no distractions, no more than three drinks.

"She’s attractive, but I’m not fond of blondes, and she seems a bit too tall for my taste. I don’t think it would work out," he replied. I frowned and looked at him with disbelief. This was the fifth woman he had dismissed that evening, and his options were rapidly dwindling. I downed my beer in one gulp and stared him down, hoping to make him realize it was now or never. "Spence, you don’t need to be so selective. I understand it’s challenging for you, but you’re only looking for someone to kiss. I’d love to kiss that girl! She’s stunning. Just approach her, buy her a drink, and then kiss her. Go on, now," I urged impatiently. He needed to make the first move.

"I understand, Y/N. She’s attractive, but I don’t want to kiss her, that’s all," he said, turning back to the bar and taking a sip of his whiskey. I knew him well enough to sense he was hiding something. This was a significant step for him, and despite our discussions about taking a break, he seemed reluctant to pursue it. Ugh, he could be so stubborn.

"I know there’s more to it, love. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Am I being too pushy, is that it? I’m sorry if I’m a bad cupid. I’ll stop. Look, I’m waving the white flag—peace," I said, grabbing a napkin and waving it theatrically. I flashed a grin, and he chuckled. It was always like this: he was the serious one, and I was the humorous one. He loved books, and I adored movies. He was the little angel, and I was the little devil. "Very amusing, but I swear, I have nothing to hide from you," he assured me.

"Spencer..." I gave him my best puppy-dog eyes. He looked uncomfortable, but he started to speak anyway, with a hint of resignation in his voice. "Well, there’s this girl I’ve developed feelings for... she’s incredibly nice and fun. When she talks to me, I can’t think of anything else. I’m not sure how to articulate my feelings, but I don’t want to kiss anyone else. She’s everything to me now." I was overjoyed and exhilarated. I’d never seen Spence so in love before, and now he had someone special in his life. Of course, I felt a twinge of jealousy, but I was also genuinely happy for him. This was a delightful surprise.

"Spencer Walter Reid!! Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?! Did you—" I exclaimed, relieved that the bar was mostly empty. His face flushed red as he tried to cover my mouth with his hand. "Y/N, please don’t shout!!! I didn’t know sooner, I didn’t realize it until now..." he explained. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my excitement. "Alright... you need to go talk to her right now and give her a proper kiss! I’ll handle things here. Just go for it!"

He looked at me wide-eyed, his hands on my shoulders. "You really think so? Are you sure?" I snorted. "Absolutely, go now." And that’s when he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as if steeling himself for what he was about to do. His fingers gently gripped the back of my neck, his touch both tender and urgent. He leaned in, and I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin before our lips finally met. I was stunned, my body tensed, and my eyes remained open for a moment, but his lips were so soft that I quickly surrendered to the kiss. Our lips moved together in sync, and I felt a profound connection. He wasn’t as shy as I’d thought—he had a way with words and was incredibly sweet. I couldn’t explain it, but he was perfect. Suddenly, I found myself bewitched by the very arrow of Cupid I had sent forth.

As we broke away from the kiss, I gazed at him, utterly bewildered, my heart racing with every beat. "Spence, what was that? You just..." I asked, my voice trembling with genuine confusion. He looked at me with an expression that blended sincerity and vulnerability before responding in a tone that was soft yet deeply meaningful: "Well, the truth is, the woman I’ve been admiring all along is you. I’m sorry if this comes as a shock, but you asked me to act, so I did."

I was momentarily stunned, a whirlwind of emotions overtaking me. How could I have been so blind not to notice this sooner? I opened my mouth for the first time in minutes to speak my heart. "Spence, there's no need to apologize. I'm just... surprised! That was really something," I said, still trying to wrap my head around the moment. I paused, letting it all sink in. "So, does this count as our first date, or would you rather have a more traditional one?" I asked with an amused tone, trying to ease the tension that had built between us, feeling a bit uncertain about what came next.

"Oh, I definitely want another date. How about I take you out for dinner, and you wear that dark blue dress you had on at Rossi’s? I love the way it looks on you," he said, his words making a warm sensation spread through me. "You’re so sweet, Spence. I hadn’t really noticed it before. If I’d known you kissed like that..." I replied with a laugh, hugging him tightly. "And you can bet I’ll wear the dress if it makes you happy." With a gentle caress on my face, I brushed his bangs off his forehead, feeling a bit strange about kissing one of my best friends, but I was glad he had the courage to confess something so significant.

I looked at his face again and could see him a bit embarrassed by the events of the night that had unfolded in a public place. It wasn’t something he had planned, and he likes to plan things. "Y/N, may I kiss you a little longer?" he asked, his eyes searching mine for permission. Instead of answering, I pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss, savoring the moment.

Talk to me

Spencer Reid Masterlist

A/N: let me know if you want me to tag you

[ofeliaxoxo]

i know we sometimes talk about how carlos does Charles Management but the premiere content and all this discussion about how charles knows carlos likes physical touch so charles makes himself open/available to receiving and engaging in it has made me think about how yes carlos is usually good at Charles Management but charles also does do Carlos Management and perhaps we don't talk about that enough.

like i'm sure charles knows how much carlos hatessss stuff like the premiere yesterday (especially considering rebecca wasn't there so my guy was all by his lonesome fr) so charles engaged they had a little moment carlos got a mini reprieve from The Horrors (media obligations at a red carpet). even when carlos joined the charles-alex-pierre-kika conversation clearly already singularly locked in on charles charles was immediately receptive/attentive back like Hi Yes Carlos I'm Listening.

and this is not to say that charles was only engaging for carlos's sake obviously he also straight up enjoys talking to/being around/etc. carlos but i guess i just mean that i think charles was kind of sweet yesterday and it was a good example of how he can also be quite adept at Carlos Management. at the end of the day they just know each other well enough to know what they both need!! which we all already knew but always nice to see it in action!! not entirely satisfied with how i articulated my thoughts here haha but hopefully enough of the point came across

wait omg Carlos Management is SO fucking special to me. like yes!! you may not be satisfied with how you articulated yourself but i absolutely am i love this take. like Carlos truly was locked in on Charles lol and I think Charles in general was more comfortable at that event and better able for it. at the end of the day he IS simply more famous than Carlos and more of a media darling and he doesn't really flounder in those situations at all so i feel like when it comes to the premiere videos he's probably kind of a comforting beacon for Carlos in this moment. like oh here's the guy everyone here adores and he knows EXACTLY how to work this horrendous event AND. hes my buddy:)

which is kind of ironic too when Charles is the one who is self diagnosed as shy, but I absolutely think you're on to something here. Carlos is clearly someone who clings onto familiar people as hard as he can and gains a sense of stability and peace from sticking with the people he knows well throughout the whirlwind of f1 life. and this is an extension of that where he's at this big press event that he is evidently not super into, sans girlfriend, and he's able to be like. oh thank fuck it's Charles the designated Guy Who Helps Me With Media.

and as you said Charles plays along completely he's like YES carlos you may grab me:D waow you're over here again YAY:D let me pat you on the tummy:D just very smiley and receptive to Carlos the entire time. Carlos Management....the new topic we must analyse. my new fascination du jour. thank you anon for pointing it out. it IS rarer than Charles Management this is true but if we have love and positivity in our hearts we will find it

finally may i interest you in a sequel snippet which is near and dear to my heart as it contains some rare Carlos Management

“And then we will meet my parents at - oh, dios, no puedo,” his hands come up to cover his face as he spins away from Charles, back turned to breathe shallowly into his palms. 

“Sh, Carlos, oh là,” he pulls him around and in, face against his shoulder. Gets a hand on the back of his head and pets him, keeps his own breath steady hoping Carlos will follow his lead. 

“It’s too much,” he’s working himself up, “it’s not a good idea.”

“I know it is difficult. It will be ok. Estás bien.”

He throws the Spanish in as a distraction, trying to get Carlos to laugh at him but it doesn’t work. A spike of real worry in Charles’s stomach.

“Baby, come on. You have to breathe properly.”

“I’m dying.”

“No, you are not.”

He doesn’t answer, crossing his arms around himself. Charles keeps him close. The main thing is not to seem bothered when this happens because if he lets it show it seeps into Carlos and makes him worse. The first time he was there for it, Charles felt his pulse and asked if he wanted a doctor. He’d been shaking, voice rising, I don’t know why do you think I need a doctor, unable to calm down until they went out and sat on the balcony for half an hour. 

It’s unsettling but rare, only got that bad the one time, when Charles didn’t know how to handle it. He thought he knew Carlos inside out before they got together, hadn’t realised how much had remained hidden from him. 

On the balcony in the purple evening Charles held his hand and made him keep his head between his knees, counted out his breaths for him. In-one-two-three-out-one-two-three. It was the first time he ever felt the full force of Carlos needing and wanting him to make it better and then trusting him to do it. He realised that’s what it was because afterwards something shifted. A veil was lifted. Some transparent protective layer was removed, one Charles hadn’t known was there but felt the lack of. 

“No one is dying, we are fine. Do you want me to count?”

Carlos pulls away with one last exhale, rolls his eyes at himself. 

“No, don’t count.”

[sahmiarlert]

Happiness

At first, Armin's grandfather hadn’t commented on his unusually cheerful mood over the past month or two. He simply observed, quietly, with a warmth in his eyes that hadn’t surfaced in years. It was the happiest he’d ever seen his grandson—genuinely radiant, like something inside him had finally begun to bloom after a long, harsh winter.

Of course, he knew why. Armin had told him, albeit shyly, his words fumbling, eyes darting anywhere but his grandfather’s face. The moment had been endearing—Armin, usually articulate and thoughtful, rendered bashful and flushed at the mere mention of her. Of you.

Still, as time went on, the older man’s curiosity only deepened. He was thrilled for Armin, truly. His grandson had endured so much—losing his parents too young, being shuffled from one school to another, facing relentless bullying, clinging tightly to the few friendships he managed to hold on to. He deserved happiness. And now, seeing him this cheerful since he started college, this content—for five whole months, not once catching him with even a shadow of a frown—well, he couldn't keep his curiosity at bay any longer.

So, over breakfast one quiet morning, he made it known. He wanted to meet the girl who’d brought the light back into Armin’s eyes. Over dinner. Nothing fancy, he said. Just something homey, something simple.

And now, here you were.

Walking side by side down a narrow street, the golden afternoon sun washing everything in a soft hue, you watched Armin fidget beside you, worry etched into his brow. His fingers kept twitching, either brushing back his bangs or tightening around the strap of his bag. You could feel the nervous energy radiating off him like heat.

“Armin,” you said, half-amused, half-exasperated, bumping your shoulder gently into his, “you’re going to wear a trench into the sidewalk if you keep pacing like that.”

He blinked, startled out of his spiral, and gave you a sheepish smile. “I just... I want everything to go well. My grandfather’s really important to me.”

“I know,” you murmured, your tone softening. “And I promise, I’ll be on my best behavior.”

He laughed at that—quiet and breathy, but real. “You don’t have to be anyone but yourself. He’ll love you, I just... I guess I want him to see what I see.”

You stopped walking for a second, reaching for his hand, threading your fingers through his. “Then I’ll do my best to make sure he does.”

His eyes flicked to yours—blue and wide with emotion—and for a moment, he just looked at you. As if you were the most grounding thing in his world.

When you arrived at his house, Armin hesitated at the gate, taking a deep breath. His grandfather was already on the porch, seated in his usual wooden chair, reading. When he noticed the two of you, he stood slowly, a kind smile spreading across his weathered face.

“You must be the girl I’ve heard so much about,” he said, walking over with a warmth that put some of your nerves at ease. “It’s good to finally meet you.”

You smiled, offering your hand politely. “It’s good to meet you too, sir. Armin’s told me a lot about you.”

“Only the good things, I hope?” he chuckled, glancing at his grandson.

Armin flushed again. “All good,” he mumbled.

You were led inside, where the dining table was already set—homemade stew, fresh bread, and the comforting scent of herbs and warmth that only family kitchens ever held.

Dinner began smoothly, with light conversation, questions about your studies, your interests. Armin was tense at first, clearly watching every exchange like a hawk, but as the minutes ticked by and laughter slipped into the conversation naturally, you saw him relax.

And then his grandfather smiled—a soft, knowing smile—and said, “You’ve made him so happy. I can see it. Thank you.”

You blinked, surprised by how earnestly he said it.

You glanced at Armin, who looked down at his bowl, cheeks pink, and then back at his grandfather.

“I haven’t done anything,” you said gently. “Armin is easy to love. I’m just glad he let me.”

The silence that followed wasn’t awkward. It was full of emotion, understanding, and something that felt like belonging.

After dinner, Armin insisted on helping his grandfather with the dishes, but the old man waved him off with a teasing smirk.

“Go on. Spend some time with her. I’ve got this.”

You smiled softly as Armin led you outside to the little backyard, where the sky had dimmed into a canvas of navy and deep purples, the stars beginning to prick through like scattered flecks of hope. The air was cool, quiet except for the distant hum of crickets and the occasional creak of the old wooden swing hanging from the tree.

He sat down on it and tugged your hand gently, inviting you onto his lap. You hesitated only a moment before settling down, legs draped on either side of him, your forehead resting against his.

“Gosh,” he whispered, his breath shaky, “I thought I was going to pass out at least three times tonight.”

You giggled, brushing your fingers through his blond hair, tucking a strand behind his ear. “You were fine. He liked me.”

Armin nodded, a small smile curving on his lips, but he didn’t say anything right away. He just looked at you. Really looked. As if his whole world had narrowed down to the girl sitting in his lap, holding him like he was the most precious thing in the universe.

“I was scared,” he finally said, voice hushed. “Scared he wouldn’t see you the way I see you. That he wouldn’t understand why I’m so....”

Your heart ached—because even now, there was a small, vulnerable part of him that still didn’t believe he deserved this kind of joy.

You leaned in and kissed his cheek, slow and lingering. “I’m yours, Armin. That’s all he needed to see.”

He swallowed, then wrapped his arms around you, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You felt him exhale, his breath warm against your skin. “Thank you...for choosing me. Being with you... it feels like I was always meant to find you.”

You closed your eyes at that, pressing your forehead against his again. “I'll choose you again and again. Always.”

He smiled then—eyes a little glassy, but shining. And there, under the stars, in the quiet of a world that had so often been cruel to him, he found peace in your arms.

The swing creaked gently as you rocked together, hearts speaking in silences and starlight.

At that moment, he only thought about you.

And how, maybe, he was allowed to be this happy.

--------

Shout out to all my followers, I really appreciate you all for liking my posts that gives me extra encouragement everytime to keep posting. Armin is my favourite character of all fiction and I feel this boy deserves lots of love. However, I have been feeling the urge to write for more than just him but that's just a passing thought. Though, I might make a decision if I will or not at some point.

Again, thank you for reading and for the support especially!! I love you all!❤

[zaunitelabs]

Young Hearts

Vi x Reader

TW: none

Synopsis: I sadly lost the request for this one😭😭 but someone requested a young Vi crushing on reader but realizing it was a crush when she was an adult. Hope y’all like it!!!

not proofread, english isn’t my first language language!

-•-

Growing up in Zaun wasn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be fun, and Vi could attest to that. From running around the streets with Powder, Mylo, Claggor, Ekko and Y/N playing dumb games they don’t even remember creating, to just hanging out near the last drop, Vi was happy with her life. While her life wasn’t a lavish one like the one the topsiders lived, it was hers, and she liked that.

Today was a rather calmed day, they hung out at their place, just pacing the time with each other company.

“Please stop that” Mylo said annoyed at Powder, who was loudly going through her box of trinkets.

“I’m working on something” she dismissed, still going through her gears and bolts. Mylo rolled his eyes and huffed loudly, to what Y/N lightly punched his arm.

“Let the little genius work” Y/N said calmly hoping to avoid another fight between Mylo and Powder. Mylo huffed but got the message and stopped nagging, pleased Y/N walked over to Vi, who was lying on her bed, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it. “you sure do seem entertained”

“And you sure do seem to be bored out of your mind” Vi chuckled, catching the ball one last time as she then focused her attention on Y/N.

“Perhaps” Y/N admitted with a chuckled, as she laid down opposite of Vi on the bed and looking at her “that’s why i came to bother you”

“How thoughtful” Vi smiled, yet she found herself breaking off the moment abruptly as she felt her chest about to explode at the sight.

She wasn’t sure why, or what it was, but for some reason she felt sick every time she looked at Y/N. Not sick in the throw up kind of way, but rather in a my stomach feels weird and suddenly i’m lightheaded kind of way. It’s a weird feeling for sure, not something she’s used to, not something she has ever felt before. She had never talked about it to anyone, what was she even supposed to say? That looking at her friend made her feel weird? It’s stupid really, they’d think she’s crazy. It was something so deeply personal that it was hard to articulate. Vi sat up right in the bed and adjusted her hair, just before she could utter another word Vander entered the room.

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news kiddos, but it’s getting late, you guys need to sleep” he said leaning against the door frame “Say goodbye to Y/N and get ready for bed”

“It’s not even that late c’mon!” Powder protested.

“We don’t want Y/N to go back to Benzo’s too late alright? So wrap it up” Vander argued as he waited for his kids to say goodbye to their friend.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” Vi said with a smile.

“See ya” Y/N chuckled as she went to give Vi a hug, as she slip a small note into one of Vi’s pockets. As if she had done nothing she got up and said goodbye to the other as Vander escorted her back to Benzo’s place.

Vi took the note out of her pocket discreetly, not wanting her siblings to get noisy with it. It simply said ‘meet me outside past dark’. Vi couldn’t help but to feel sick again, but she wasn’t sick, she just felt weird. Her stomach fluttered at the meaning, her ears got warm and her palms felt sweaty all of the sudden. She thought of asking Vander what is was that she was feeling, but got too embarrassed every time she was about to do it. She loved Vander like a dad, maybe that’s what made it so difficult, perhaps she’d have the same difficulty with her actual dad, maybe she was thinking too hard about it and trying to find excuses. Vi waited for her siblings to fall asleep so she could sneak out without being noticed, careful to not make any noise and wake Vander up.

She made her way out without any trouble, her hands fidgeting inside the pockets of her jacket as she looked around for Y/N.

“And I was starting to think that you lost my note” Y/N chuckled as she made her presence known by jumping off a nearby building, not too high to be dangerous, but high enough to appear cool.

“Next time you can just, you know, tell me” Vi smiled, her gaze following Y/N steps.

“But what’s then fun in that, besides, Mylo would’ve totally snitched on you had I told you ‘normally’”

“He’s not that much of an asshole you know”

“I know, but he gets to see you everyday and that feels unfair” Y/N muttered.

“Wouldn’t really call that a privilege” Vi joked.

“Yeah whatever, do you want me to show you something cool or not?” Y/N questioned, her eyes lighting up.

“Sure?” Vi said with a slight laugh, excited to see what Y/N’s excitement was all about.

“Okay then let’s get going” Y/N said excitedly as she grabbed Vi’s hand and dragged her along the dimly lit streets of Zaun. Vi’s heart was racing a marathon, why was it racing a marathon?! Why does this always happen with her? It’d be embarrassing to bring it up, right? Like how could she even explain this to her with a straight face? It was a mortifying thought, that she just shoved deeper and deeper into her chest, hoping it would muffle her unstoppable racing heart.

After running and laughing across Zaun Y/N slows down, apparently reaching their destination: a ravine of sorts that possessed a beautiful view of the undercity.

“How did you even find this?” Vi said amused, she had never seen this side of the city before. Typically she’s the one showing people places, or the history of the city, that’s her job as the older sister- but not with Y/N, she was a life of her own.

“I like to go on walks” she answered nonchalantly, as she sat down, one of her legs hanging down the ravine.

“The city looks so alive from up here, even this late at night” Vi said softly, still processing the view.

Y/N nodded with a smile “I had a feeling you’d like it”

Vi smiled and sat next to her, both of them staring down at the city below them.

“Do you ever think about how life must be up there? Like living up there, I mean” Y/N asked, her gaze examining the undercity.

The pink haired girl paused for a second, as she diverted her attention from the dimly lit city towards Y/N “I try not to” she confessed “I have all I want right here”

“That seems fair” Y/N answered lowly.

Vi looked Y/N, her piercing yet soft eyes staring down at the city, her hair messy from all the runny, she couldn’t help herself, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her. “Do you think about it?”

“Sometimes” Y/N admitted “they’ve probably got it easier up there” she said as she laid her head on Vi’s shoulder.

Vi froze at the contact, but she didn’t let her go “Yeah but what’s the fun in that? We know how to get stuff done, we can fend for ourselves. I bet this little pilties wouldn’t survive a day down here”

Y/N laughed “I guess that’s a point for us then”

Vi carefully laid her free arm around Y/N shoulder, softly caressing her arm “We have stories to tell, we have lived, can’t say the same for them”

“We are a community.” Y/N said softly “We got each other”

“That’s also true, we got each other, we only got each other” but it was more than just words for them, it was the truth.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way” Y/N smiled softly, as they spent the rest of the night talking about nothing really, but it didn’t matter to them, because all they wanted was to be in each others company.

-•-

“She was totally in love with you” Caitlyn chuckled as Vi ended telling one of her childhood stories.

“No she wasn’t” Vi laughed, getting up from the couch “we were just friends”

“You can’t be this oblivious, right? It’s clear as day! She was your first proper crush, and she definitely liked you too”

Vi thought about it for a second. And then another. Oh. Oh Yeah that’s definitely what happened, she wasn’t feeling sick she was crushing on Y/N. Her cheeks go red at the realization. How had she been this clueless until now? Back then she understands, she was young and had bigger problems than to figure out if she liked someone or not- but now? How had she in the ten years that have passed not come to this realization?

Caitlyn laughed “Did you really not know???”

“I-“ Vi was speechless, laughs escaping her “I figure it out with you and that’s what matters”

[slaaverin]

JIMIN CAME HOME!!!!!!!

Hello ARMY, this is Jimin. I enlisted in December two years ago, and now, two years have already passed. I've been serving in the military for about a year and two months now, and honestly… time seems to flow differently here. It’s not always easy, but because there are things I’m learning and experiencing, I’m looking forward to the days when I can talk with you all and share fun stories about everything that’s happened. Hmm… my daily life hasn’t changed much. Since it’s the military, I go through training, work, exercise, and before I know it, the day is over, and it's time to sleep. I’m living through a routine that repeats itself every day. But one thing that has changed since the new year is the conversations Jungkook and I have before going to bed. Since the days until we meet ARMY again are getting closer, we've been talking a lot about what we need to prepare before that moment arrives, what kind of image we want to show, and what kind of lives we will live moving forward. To be honest, there is also a bit of fear. It’s been quite a long time since we last performed together, and it’s been a while since we fully dedicated our time to the stage and music. So yes, there is a little fear, but one thing that hasn’t changed is our determination to give you the best performance when we return. We’ll prepare diligently—really. We’ll work hard and come back in our best form. To our ARMY, whom I miss and am endlessly grateful for, Until the day we meet again, please stay healthy and may every day be filled with happiness. Wishing you lots of luck in the new year, ARMY. I love you. Truly.

GUYS THE WAY I SCREAMED I AM NOT OK I'M ACTUALLY TREMBLING

Ok so when Jimin comes home, it might not be often, but when he does, it's HUGE!

This letter is honestly a lot and I'm not going to be very coherent.

So basically he's going through the day, doing what he must do, like a routine (as expected) but my takeaway is that the one constant is Jimin & Jungkook talking when the day ends.

Oh, boy.

So you're telling me our boys are having deep conversations at night about their future now 😭 omg what do I do with that information.

I don't know about you but Jimin articulated his letter so well I instantly felt the irrevocable WEIGHT of his statements.

Like, what they talk about is serious, it's deliberate, it will probably change how they handle things when they come out. We're talking big life questions, expectations, dreams & desires, public image.

Like how do we go from here? After everything. Who do we want to be? As individuals, & as a couple?

I know I shouldn't be shocked, it was bound to happen, but even then I'm still 😭 not ok he's saying it this plainly.

"What kind of life we want to live moving forward"

This phrase shook me to my fucking core. I let out an inhumane scream. What kind of life? WHAT KIND OF LIFE?

Fucking hell. It's exhilirating and scary just thinking about it.

Anticipation grows through the roof.

He said he's going to tell us things when he comes out so I'm glad.

Because I only need to know, to see, with their words, and their bodies, what is their state of mind. I'm so fucking curious to know what they are thinking about. I'm dying inside, I don't want to wait. This is killing me.

I think I'm waiting for the tiniest sign that they are ok, that they will be, that they feel good, that we don't need to worry. I DON'T KNOW??? The unknown is so very scary and unpredictable. Not knowing is what's worse.

But they are together and they talk together of their future, a future that I'm sure will also include the other in some type or form.

I'm now more than ever positive on a jikook subunit next. Might be small, but I'm sure they thought of something.

& They thought of AYS, too. I know it.

Maybe also about how they will move in together? One can only hope.

This letter fills me with joy.

Jimin is such a wonderful person & his words always hit right.

Having fear is a normal thing. The future is always worst in our head than in reality, and projecting things too much onto it can only create anxiety. But I'm not worried - about that. They will manage to give us amazing performances I have no doubt. I just hope they don't put too many expectations on themselves, because they don't need to. I trust them to do their best and it's already enough.

What kind of image will they be showing moving forward? They were ready to already risk it all before with AYS. How things will change?

What kind of person will they show?

This is all so very exciting guys 😭

So many possibilities.

When they come out I will be clinging to my seat holding my breath with my fingers crossed 😭

Ahhh, we need to be patient. This is hard.

I'm so glad Jimin seems to be well. That they are both well.

I need to let everything sink in. And reflect on it.

I think soon a lot will be happening, and I want to be here for ALL of it. I'll continue to write silly posts about it.

But I'm positive, the future will be bright, and I think everything will be ok.

They are writing it as we speak, and I believe it is meant to be, as always, together.

Wishing them good luck 💜

[httpvomitello]

Hii! Can I request rise Donnie x reader (rom) who teases him a bunch? Not in a hurt full way. Though they do get under his skin

Hello, hello! Thanks for the request, hope you like it ~ ♡♡♡♡

The Fine Art of Poking the Genius *⁠.⁠✧

It was easy to make Donnie flustered. Maybe too easy. Not that you’d ever use that against him. Well… not too much.

You lounged on one of the swivel chairs in Donnie’s lab, watching as he tinkered with some new gadget. His hands worked with precise efficiency, his brow furrowed in concentration. He hadn’t even noticed you sneak in, and you weren’t about to let this golden opportunity pass you by.

“Hey, Donnie,” you called out, dragging his name just a little too sweetly.

His hand twitched, and he paused, glancing up at you with a suspicious look. “Yes, Y/N? What do you want?”

“Nothing,” you said innocently, spinning lazily in the chair. “Just admiring your work. It's really something to behold. You should charge admission.”

Donnie narrowed his eyes. “You’re mocking me, aren’t you?”

“Me? Mocking you? Never,” you said, holding your hand to your chest like you were offended. “I mean, it’s not my fault that your genius comes with a side of ‘mad scientist aesthetic.’”

He groaned, pushing his goggles up onto his forehead. “It’s not ‘mad scientist.’ It’s visionary engineer.’ There’s a difference.”

“Sure, sure,” you said, grinning. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Dr. Frankenstein.”

Donnie pointed a screwdriver at you. “First of all, Dr. Frankenstein was a fictional character. Secondly, if you keep disrupting me, I’ll have no choice but to eject you from my lab.”

“Oh, I’m so scared,” you teased, spinning the chair again. “What are you gonna do, sic one of your inventions on me? Wait—are you finally working on a giant robot butler? Because I’m so ready to see that.”

He muttered something under his breath, but you couldn’t make it out. Probably some witty comeback he was too annoyed to properly articulate.

“You’re fun when you’re grumpy, you know that?” you added.

“I’m not grumpy,” he snapped, clearly grumpy.

You bit your lip to stifle a laugh. “Of course not. You’re the epitome of calm and collected. A true Zen master.”

His tools clattered onto the desk as he turned fully to face you. “Do you enjoy this? Getting under my skin? Is it some kind of hobby for you?”

You tilted your head like you were thinking about it. “Eh, it’s more of a part-time gig. Keeps me entertained.”

Donnie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You are insufferable.”

“And yet, here I am,” you said, smirking.

He didn’t respond immediately, instead turning back to his work and muttering something about “distractions” and “increasing lab security.”

You leaned forward, resting your chin in your hand as you watched him. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

This time, his hands froze completely, and you caught the faintest tinge of pink creeping up his neck. “I—what?!”

“You heard me,” you said, grinning even wider. “But don’t worry, Donatello, I won’t tell anyone. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Donnie sputtered, his mind clearly short-circuiting. “That is completely irrelevant to—why would you even—ugh, you’re impossible!”

“And yet, you tolerate me.”

“Barely,” he grumbled, but there was no real heat in his voice.

You leaned back in the chair, feeling victorious. “Admit it, Don. You’d miss me if I wasn’t around to keep you on your toes.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, just kept fiddling with his gadget. But then, so quietly you almost didn’t catch it, he said, “Maybe.”

Your grin softened into a genuine smile. “That’s what I thought.”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he added quickly, though the tips of his ears were definitely red now.

“Too late,” you said, spinning in the chair one last time.

He sighed again but didn’t kick you out of the lab. And you knew he wouldn’t, no matter how much you teased him. Because deep down, he didn’t really mind. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you liked seeing that little spark of flustered frustration in his eyes.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Costume Meta 7x01

Aaaaaaannnnd we're back!!

OMG I cannot tell you how good it feels to be back writing costume meta - I have missed it so very much and this first episode has given me lots and lots to talk about so lets crack on with it shall we!

Where to start?! Firstly - Its amazing to have Alayna Bell-Price back in the driving seat and she is a genius because she knows the characters better than anyone and I have to say from my perspective there is a pretty clear difference between this episodes costumes and the ones from season 6 - not that s6's costumes were bad, just that you could see the shift of having a designer who didn't know the characters to the same level. I’m going to go in order of character appearance in a non uniform capacity for this one I think so we’re going to jump around from character to character a bit. There is no Maddie or Hen this week, as we don't see them out of uniform, but every one else is accounted for and I've included Norman and Lola as they've got a multi episode arc and their costumes are interesting and playing into a colour theme!

putting it below the cut as its a long post and I on't want to overtake everyones dashes! Enjoy!

We start off with Athena in this pale pink high neck ribbed sweater with large bell sleeves. I've spoken a fair amount about pale pink over the last couple of seasons of costume metas and how, in clothes its representative of childish and immature behaviours or thoughts. That holds true here - the pale pink is playing into Athena's childhood - when she developed her fear of cruise ships - its creating a connection between her childhood experiences and the woman sitting in Franks office.

We get a flashback that shows her in yellow and orange - the yellow for communication and the orange for transformation. A literal moment where we see Athena transform from the innocence of youth to her developing anxiety and fear around cruise ships. Its really clever visual storytelling connecting adult with child and shows us her fear is genuine and founded in something that she may not have been able to articualte fully as a child, but she can as an adult, even if she doesn't actually articulate it to Bobby.

Our next non uniform costume is Chimney. The lighting is really low in this scene, so it's kind of hard to be 100% sure of the colouring, but he seems to be wearing either a dark navy or black button up shirt under a dark green and black bomber jacket. The use of really dark green in combination with black, Back is a colour that can be about hiding ones vulnerabilities - concealment and masking, but it is also a colour associated with magic (generally dark magic) as well as pessimism. The green is growth and renewal, and the hope for a better future. to use them in combination i this way is playing on Chimneys insecurites and fears, his desire to keep the 'magic' alive in his relationship with Maddie, but it also speaks to his growth, that he goes home and talks to her about it (even if he does come up with an insane plan to 'date forever').

Eddie in the locker room - aside from being shirtless for much of it and pulling some epically good faces - was a super interesting costume choice. Especially the use of his watch! first though - Denim shirt time! We don't actually see Eddie in a denim shirt all that often and we've seen him in the super washed out one far more than dark denim shirts. I've been laughing a little bit at a few people (on twitter mostly) claiming its the same shirt he was wearing at the hospital during and after Bucks coma and it being a play on bringing Buck back to life. While I like the theory, its actually a very different shirt - the one in the hospital was black with a grey wash out and was made of velveteen - so different colour and fabric.

This shirt, is however one we have actually seen Eddie wear before and its far more telling than if it were the hospital shirt. You need to bear in mind that this scene is about Buck and Eddies respective girlfriends (or lack there of) and the fact that Christopher has a girlfriend now as well. This shirt is the same shirt Edie was wearing when he (re)introduced Ana to Chris in 4x08 (breaking point my beloved! the gift that keeps on giving!) and this puts a conversation about Marisol and things going well with her into the same category as Ana - suggesting she is ultimately destined for the same fate as Ana. the other thing that plays into this narrative is the use of the watch.

Eddie does not put the Christopher watch on until after he has found out that Buck has broken up with Natalia - so during the entire conversation about their respective girlfriends, he is only holding the Christopher watch, rather than wearing it.

In the picture below from 4x08 you can see that Eddie is wearing his black 'work' watch rather than the brown strapped 'Christopher' watch. Remember that the first time we see the Christopher watch is when he goes for his first date with Ana in Jinx, so he already has this watch and in theory should be wearing it in this scene. The fact he isn't is pretty telling and I'll go into that a bit more later when we get to Chris's (and Eddies) date scene.

Then we have Buck in his outfit of many colours! The white trainers, continue to play into my theory of Buck wearing them when he is in key points on his journey to discover his self - her it is about showing his growth - that he ended the relationship with Natalia - this is a massive thing when we saw how long it took for him to end things with Taylor - The man who clings is growing and getting out before it drags him down!

The jacket is similar in style to many of the ones we've seen him wearing in season 5 and 6, but this one is much brighter and more colourful. I know I go on about white meaning bad things for Buck, but that isn't relevant here - the white bad things happen to Buck theory is much more about t-shirts, jumpers and shirts rather than jackets - its an under-layer rather than a top layer that = danger. So i'm not thinking of its relevance here for this scene. What I am going to say is that this (according to my spreadsheet!) is the first time we've seen Buck in a white jacket of any description. To me, it's playing into the idea of purity and rebirth which is what white is often associated with. This plays into the comment Eddie makes welcoming Buck back to 'the land of the living' but also implies that Buck is starting a new chapter and making a fresh start - the check patterning suggests it might not all be plain sailing though.

The check pattern is an interesting one, obviously check pattern theory comes into play here, but whether its only in relation to the reveal that he split with Natalia, or if its also foreshadowing Buck getting himself into danger/trouble down the line, remains to be seen.

I'm going to quote myself again because I did predict that this scene may be about his relationship with Natalia when we got the stills dropped - the costume department never let us down!

The only thing I can do is scream into the void about check theory because check does't bode well for people - they always end up in the middle of the drama (see my check theory posts linked on my pinned post for more) and while they come out the other side (99% of the time) Buck in check for that scene in 6x18 pretty much doomed his relationship with Natalia (its specific to her and not C&K's baby as Buck wasn't wearing it when he delivered it!) and as that shirt in the still is very un Buck like, has not only yellow ochre in it, but also its a white base (and we all know buck in white is a bad sign!!) and its check patterned - my theory is that this scene is connected to Natalia in some way - either Buck is not being true to him self in more than one way - that things are going to/have come to a head for their relationship (my kingdom for a reverse of Buck to Eddie about Ana in 5x03!!!) and lead to a pretty big change in some way (fingers crossed for Buck to end it and then finally break down and deal with his trauma!!!) Some other things about that shirt - the colour combination - the green blue and yellow ochre are giving me call backs to coma Buck (another reason I think it might be connected to Bucks unresolved trauma around his death and Eddies absense in his dream)

In the quote above, I was also referring to the blue and white check pattern shirt he was wearing when he and Natalia got together, but there was also the fact that in the balcony scene at the end of 6x18, we also saw her in one of Bucks white shirts. I wrote in my 6x18 meta about how those two things combined didn't bode well for that relationship going forward, and thats what leaves me unsure about the check pattern on this white jacket being purely about something that has already happened. If I put my Buddie goggles on, I would perhaps suggest that the troubled times ahead may be more connected to Buck and Eddies relationship, and this would fit in with a couple of the things Oliver and Ryan have said. The thing with check theory though, is that generally speaking if it's on one of the mains, they come out the other side of the dram/trauma stronger than before. So if it is connected to Buck and Eddies relationship, then we can expect it to be in an even stronger position on the other side of whatever goes down (and at this point you can't strengthen their relationship any further and keep them as just friends imo!)

Chimneys forever dating proposal to Maddie, connects with his outfit when he's talking to Hen - it's the same jeans and black shirt, so the meanings of black, can be continued on into this scene - the idea of magic and hiding his vulnerabilities. The addition of the jacket with this brickwork pattern in its weave is a fun choice, it's playing into the idea of building something, but also plays into the idea that Chimney has his walls up - again fitting in with the black meaning of hiding his vulnerabilities - because instead of expressing his fears to Maddie ad then them talking it thorough, he comes up with his insane forever dating concept. the fact that much of this scene is a contrasting parallel with the scene from season 1 when he is pretending to be someone else entirely for Tatiana all ties in perfectly with this costume. The fact that he reverts to wearing blue (ran out of picture spaces so I couldn't include one) later on - when he's realised his plan isn't realistic, talks to Maddie and they end up back on the same page is really good to see - the blue being a signature Chimney colour and is indicative of him being true to himself.

Bobbys blue suit and blue check patterned shirt. The brightness of the blue is a really important choice - it's the only time we see him this brightly coloured on the cruise until he ends up in the bright red at the end. This is important because this is the moment when he's still all excited and hopeful for his honeymoon cruise - everything is good in Bobby's world at this moment in time - the check pattern is telling us that it's not going to stay that way for long. From her on out we see the colours of Bobby's costumes slowly beginning to dull and take on a washed out tone, but here in this moment all is good.

Athena's bright yellow dress is all about making her stand out - communicating with the audience, she is the brightest person in the room (in more ways than one!!). The thing with yellow, apart from the communication aspect, is that it can also be a symbol of anxiety and fear, so this dress plays rather nicely into the theme of Athenas fear of being on that ship.

The colour does have other good traits too - its fresh and bright and is a colour of happiness in its more jewel like tones and I think we can see all of these meanings in these scenes - Athena might be anxious about being on the ship, but she is also happy and enjoying herself with Bobby in that moment.

Lola and Norman. Lola is the one we need to focus on in her very bright very check patterned Victoria Beckham dress. Obviously the check pattern plays into check pattern theory, but the red also acts like a neon sign to the audience - highlighting that Lola is in danger - the ga won't pick up on check theory, although they might connect the dots about the fact this check patterning looks very like a cage - foreshadowing her being held captive later on, but also as a nod to the fact she was incarcerated previously.

The red is also a nod towards romance and love - playing into the rekindling of their relationship and romance in the aftermath of the freeway 'see me Norman' incident.

Ok so Christophers date night and by extension Eddies date night! This is where this meta is goingto get a bit messy and I'm goingto jump around a bit becasue I need to talk about the way colour theory is at play in all the scenes in Christophers bedroom, so we're going to talk about Christophers bedroom as one big thing rather than the two separate scenes that it actually is. They are extensions of one another and build on so much of the groundwork we've already seen in previous seasons.

Chris in plaid check yellow and red check plays perfectly into check pattern theory - it’s a signifier that something is about to go down with him - namely that the fact he’s dating multiple girls at the same time. 

He’s also wearing a white shirt which is not a colour we see on him all that often - in fact, the only times we’ve seen him in a completely white shirt is with his suit in 5x01 when suit shopping and again in 6x08 for his school dance. He did wear a white vest when dressed as wolverine for halloween  So as you can see its not a common colour for him, but the times have seen him wear it as a solid colour have been connected to school/girls and dating (i’m including the suit shopping in this because Ana was there and it was kind of a Eddie and Ana date of sorts - in that it was suppose to be for this Christening - meet the family - date type thing).

The most interesting thing is the plaid hooded shirt though. It was such an interesting choice to go with for a couple of reasons. the colour way is especially loud - we tend to see Chris wearing greens and blues and greys, with the odd other colour thrown in occasionally. So red and yellow are not common colours for him to be wearing.

On the red front we see him in it a couple of times - the adapted skateboarding scene and the scene in 4x10 when he joins Eddie and Ana on the sofa - getting in the way of their date night. We do also see him wear red in Christmas related episodes (so I don’t tend to count them in the same way as the Christmas colour theming will nearly always override any other colour theming intention - the use of stripes or check or other patterning is more important in those episodes!). 

On the yellow front things are even more clear cut - the Tsunami arc, the aftermath of him falling off the skateboard, Mays graduation party and 5x03’s Eddie Ana break up! These (apart from the tsunami shirt) were all bright almost neon yellow.

This new plaid shirt is more into the yellow ochre part of the yellow spectrum, therefore tying much more to the tsunami arc, which is actually really fitting if you think about it in a little more detail - its a connection, not only to Buck, but also to loss and grief. Eddie might have been using his secret weapon (Chris) to get Buck out of his moping (read mourning) over not being able to go back to work, but Christopher is also still grieving the loss of his mother at that point as well, so its not just about cheering Buck up, its also about giving Chris a chance to do something fun and distract him from his own grief. That is why the use of yellow then ties in so nicely with its use on Chris now.

The other thing that really grabbed my attention about this shirt though is the fact that the two times we’ve seen Buck have a conversation with Chris in his bedroom, he has sat in the same spot and has been wearing one of those two colours - post shooting in maroon and this episode in the yellow ochre - if you watch those two scenes side by side, you see that they’ve used almost identical camera angles as well to film Buck.

I've spoken a lot about the use of maroon as a colour connected to parenthood - especially fatherhood , which is how its intended to be read on Buck - connecting to Eddie and his being shot, pushing Buck into a parental role in Eddies absence.

That alone is a pretty loud reference to Christophers connection and relationship to Buck, but then we have the yellow ochre of it all.

I feel a little bit insane about how close my prediction was on what the Buck Christopher scene was going to be about - this is from the meta I wrote when t he stills dropped;

Whatever this scene transpires being about, based on what we've seen with Buck wearing yellow ochre, we can assume its going to continue to play into this idea of Buck not being fully truthful with people and fitting into the role he thinks people want him to pay rather than being true to himself. I do want to add to this theory by looking at Christophers shirt as well. The grey/ yellow combination is a bit reminiscent of Breaking point (the episode that really is the gift that keeps on giving) because we get Chris in grey and Eddie in tan - that is yellowish toned whilst not actually being yellow There isn't a good screenshot of them together, but the placing of Chris and Buck in the new one has echoes of Eddie and Chris in that scene (one that is interestingly enough playing into the idea of changing family dynamics, but also the moment before and the one that happens afterwards at Bucks loft, directly placing Buck into a parental role (as an aside the idea of Buck being a miracle worker plays into the theme of Eddie looking for magic, just saying!))

Indirectly this scene was about Buck not being true to himself with people and fitting into whatever role he thinks people want him to fit into, only this wasn't an active situation - this was a scene where Buck could draw on his experience of having done that in the past to help Christopher - the line from Eddie 'you didn't end up being like you' is such a call to this and actually shows how valuable Bucks own experiences and learnings are in helping Chris (we've all been joking about Eddie choosing Buck to help him with this Chris's issue, but in actual fact he was the perfect person for the job - not just because of his being a 'reformed player', but also because of his relationship with death and the death of a loved one where you are reliant on others for their memories of a person rather than having your own)

The thing with the Yellow ochre (this meta here that i've already quoted from above is the place to go if you'd like more detail on its use on Buck more widely) isn't just its about it's connection to Buck, his place in Christopher's life and more loosely to the will of it all, (the fact that Buck and Eddie are both wearing the same colour ways as in the hospital bed will reveal scene and are both on the same sides of the screen in both scenes is a stroke of genius and is meant to connect these two scenes together) its also its connection to Shannon.

The first time we meet Shannon, she sits on Christophers bed in more or less the same position as we see Buck and Eddie sit, and looks at where Christopher has been positioned in all these conversations, and she is wearing a burnt orange top thats pretty close to the dark yellow ochre we see Buck wearing. Shannon wears a lot of yellow - as in it there are only a couple of times we don't see her wearing something yellow or with yellow in it and those are key scenes (which I will talk about later on).

Shannons appearance in Christophers room to read the letter she wrote him had her in this black top with a floral patterning on it. She was also wearing green trousers (which can be seen in the still below but aren't actually seen during the scene.

I actually really loved the green trousers and black top as a choice because the top is very Shannon - it sits perfectly with the floral patterns we saw her wearing when she was still alive. The green trousers are a bit of a departure for her, but I think its very intentional for two reasons .

The first is that they are very much in the Eddie trousers wheelhouse, especially in combination with black - he wears green khaki trousers a lot. The inference being that the black and green combination is an echo of Eddie.

The second ties to Christopher. Green is also a colour we've seen on Christopher a lot, it's probably the colour we see him in most. It's being used as a reflection of the fact he is growing and transitioning from child to teenager. But having it here in this scene - on Shannon connects a Christopher growing up without his mom.

Both of these combined really connect into Shannon in this scene, tying the three of them together and on Eddies efforts to keep her alive for Christopher - the underlying implication that his growth into who he is so far is as much to do with Shannon as it is to do with Eddie.

Her necklaces were not identical to the ones we saw her in in season 2, but that's most likely because they don't have them any longer, so they've replicated them as best as they can. The other little nod that I enjoyed is the brown bracelets on her right wrist - the same place Eddie wears his brown strapped Christopher watch!

But the top they have her in plays into a couple of other things - the prominent yellow flowers make an obvious connection to Buck from the previous scene, but they also tie into the 'I want a divorce' scene from 2x17 where she is wearing a dark blue dress with bright yellow ochre flowers all over it. the dress is not especially close to the top in the wider sense - blue dress with white squares v black top with florals in a variety of colours, but the yellow flowers are the prominent aspect of both items of clothing and play into the yellow theme connected to Shannon and then to Buck.

This is espeically relevant when you remember that Eddie is in a black suit in that scene and he's wearing black when he gives the letter to Christopher.

The black for this sequence of scenes is such a poignant choice - its Eddie mourning all over again, not for his loss, but for Christophers loss. I did find it telling that again in this scene, we have the absence of the Christopher watch. Eddie has very rarely not been wearing a watch in his scenes, so the times when we don't see him wearing one are very telling.

For me, in this sequence of scenes, it's about the fact that they are not about Eddies relationship with Christopher, but about Shannons relationship with Christopher. The watch is much more about Eddie and Christopher, so to have it absent from this story arc makes total sense and is symbolic of Eddie being a good father

Then we have Christophers grey shirt - I said when we first got the stills from that scene, how it was likely to be connected to complex family relationships - a la when we’ve seen Buck wearing his grey shirt. And what do you know - the scene was about complex family dynamics/ relationships.

It wasn’t perhaps in the manner I was expecting, but that series of scenes played with the full scope of Chris’s complex family relationships - from the relationship he has with Buck -not only as Christophers friend, but also as more or less Eddies co-parent (the way Eddie asked for Bucks help screamed co-parent rather than friend imo - that whole burnt out car scene was two co-parents discussing their child!) to the relationship he has with his dad - which is a pretty great relationship, but it is a complex one.

The relationship he has with his mom - or the fact he feels he doesn’t have a relationship with her despite Eddies best efforts, because as he grows up she feels further and further away. 

Eddies 'date' night with Marisol. Again I ran out of pictures (30 is not enough!) so you're going to have to use your imagination or go back and rewatch the scene for yourselves, but trust me when I say that Eddie is wearing the same shirt he was wearing for this date night as he was in 4x10 - when Christopher interrupts because he can't sleep!

It's also a similar tee to the one Eddie wears when he has his breakdown and trashes his room (that one was more green when this one is much browner). Its slouchy and has cut and stretched raw edges at the sleeves and on the pocket - in the same way his breakdown shirt did. there is an element of being in familiar surroundings and being comfortable at home, but stretched out raw edges and Eddie generally tend to mean not so great things.

Of course there is the element of his parenting skills being tested by Christophers having more than one girlfriend, but if that where the only reason, then it would've made more sense to have him in that shirt when he's listening in to Chris talking to Buck, rather than when he's on a date with a new girlfriend.

This is especially true as the screen time for that tee has more connection with Marisol than it does with Chris. Combined with the fact that once again, like in the locker room scene, he is not wearing his Christopher watch in this scene and that speaks volumes.

If we are to read the scene as being about Christopher soley, he should be wearing his watch because that watch is a physical embodiment of the importance of Christopher in Eddies life - that he puts Christopher first in all things.

Got to say I was a bit shocked to see Marisol in his bright magenta silk spaghetti strap top when you consider the costumes we saw her in last season - mostly dressed down, t-shirts, jumpers and dungarees so this is a complete 180 for her character.

There are a few interesting things connected to her outfit, firstly it low key ties into Natalia - we saw Natalia in a red version of this top for her first proper onscreen date with Buck (when they go to the badge and ladder joint) so there is an interesting low key parallel to draw there. There is also the fact that her bracelet is a chain one - much like we've seen on all of Buck and Eddies previous girlfriends - although those have been necklaces, so I'm undecided if this chain bracelet is paying into the same trope as those.

Then there is the pink of it all.

You see Eddie and Pink on his girlfriends doesn't bode well for Marisol.

Both Shannon and Ana wore pink. Ana wore it a lot - there are two examples below, but generally speaking its her most commonly worn colour - including on her first date with Eddie in Jinx.

The first example below is from the first time we see her in the Diaz house. the shades are different, but the fact that the first time we see both characters in the Diaz house they're both wearing pink, speaks volumes.

The other key use of Pink is when Shannon is at the beach with Eddie and Christopher and she tells Eddie she's pregnant - Eddie takes it as the sign he has been looking for - the chance to effectively start over with their marriage, but this is the beginning of the end for their relationship, even if she hadn't died a short while later. She is wearing pale pink in that scene and it's the only time we see her wear the colour in the show.

The fact we can also contrast the use of pink with when Buck wears it is telling in its own right - we see the relationship between Buck and Eddie strengthening when Buck wears pink - May's graduation party, the tsunami, the Hildy coffee machine - all moments (big and small) that show the development of various aspects of their relationship and its ability to endure.

Essentially all this use of pink on the women he has had previous relationships with, doesn't bode well for Marisol and the longevity of her relationship with Eddie. How quickly it will end I can't say, just that it will end.

I spoke earlier in this post about colour theming for the episode and this is where I talk about it!

Pink - and in particular the very bright pinks we saw scattered across the episode. Marisol above wearing it, isn't just about connecting her to Ana in costume terms (especially as at this point that costume is a departure of her costumes from s6) it also connects her to the other characters we see wearing bright pink in this episode - Lola and Norman.

At this point in time I'm not sure if we're going to see it play out as a theme across the season, but its use in this episode was very loud on characters that are going to be around for more than 1 episode. It suggests that there is some underlying theme that connects them (by this I don't mean that they're gonna meet and hang out I mean that personality traits are going to be similar)

Magenta and bright pink in colour theory means a few different things, and like with all colours, has positive and negative traits. Generally speaking its a loud and brash colour thats designed to stand out and draw attention to it's wearer.

Things that are considered positive traits for this shade of pink are; intensity, acceptance, kindness and it's supportive and uplifting nature. It's connected to naive love (as in lust rather than the passionate and enduring love of red) can also be considered a nurturing colour.

Negative traits are; intensity, volatility, arrogant and impatient, irritability and irritating and frustration. it is also said to be a stress inducing colour and is said to be overly emotional.

Theres a clear and fairly loud connection between Lola and Norman getting into danger - Lola is in magenta trousers when she is kidnaped. Norman also has bright magenta flowers on his shirt at this point as well. My guess at this point is that we're supposed to lean into the stress inducing element, and also the irritating nature of the colour (On Athenas part at the very least!) and we'll see if those are the themes that play out for Marisol as well down the line.

Norman is in bright pink when he's lying and claiming she's unwell from being outside or too long. We also see that he is wearing pink in the ditsy print shirt later on (again I ran out of picture spaces!)

Athena's black top in this scene is much like the use of Chimney in black in his scenes. It's all about power and authority but it's also about her hiding her vulnerabilities. The other thing it does is creates a huge contrast with Bobby and all of the other passengers - she is the only one in black in the scene and it contrasts her with the underlying white of Bobbys shirt - juxtaposing them and visually putting them at odd with one another.

Like I said above about him becoming increasingly pale - here we see Bobby in a sea-foam green shirt - its the palest and washed out colour we've seen him in on this cruise (grey pyjama shirt not being included as its blink and you miss it and a pyjama tee!!!). Sea-foam green doesn't really play into the traditional meanings of green - there is still the element of renewal about it (the sea washes the sand etc)but its mostly a self-conscious and uncertain colour - both things that perfectly sum up how Bobby is feeling in this moment.

The other fun thing about this outfit is the palm tree shorts the patterns Bobby has worn in relation to this cruise, up to this point (and that includes the shirts from season 6) have all been tropical themed but on his shirts, the fact that they've now slipped down onto his shorts is a visual representation of him becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the way his honeymoon is going - that the tropical vacation vibes are slipping away.

Athenas red and white shirt, in my opinion is showing her cross purposes - its the duality of investigating and being on a cruise in a shirt. The bright red ties into the red and blue first responder colour way the show uses (for obvious reasons) while the white and the palm fronds, the lei flowers and the watery theming of the pattern fit into the troipical cruise they're on.

Bobbys red shirt contrasts with the lavender that we see on Athena - its not a colour we see on Bobby all that often and that makes its use all the more important. Especially considering the entire cruise thus far we've seen him in blues and greens - especially pale closer to pastel tones.

This red is bright snd bold and unlike his usual choices. Red is a colour of cross meaning - there is obviously the connection with love and the heart, which is absolutely at play her - his love for Athena is spurring him on and is part of what is pushing him in to investigator Bobby mode - and its representation of love is what is going to be the key player in the up coming episodes on the ship - when he is looking for Athena during the evacuation etc. But the other meaning of red is war, courage and anger and that is very much present here in this episode, and will (i'm assuming) be later on in 7x02 and 3.

The other thing I think its worth pointing out at this point (which is pure conjecture on my part at this moment in time but that I think will become relevant in the next two episodes rather than this one) is the foreshadowed parallel with Buck in season 5 when he broke down Eddies door. The bright red we saw him wearing then was an uncommon colour for him, in the same way it is for Bobby here. It's paralleling the way Buck was prepared to go into battle for Eddie, with the way Bobby is prepared to do so for Athena - going to war for your closest person, your loved one and doing what you need to do to save them.

Putting Athena in lavender the moment she gets to go into cop mode was a choice that had me giggling! Lavender is a colour of relaxation and order so for her to start wearing it the moment she gets to start being a cop again - speaks volumes for her state of being - it shows that her fear of being on the cruise ship and of being alone with bobby, has been overridden by her need to do her job and start investigating things. Its the perfect colour for this moment and for the impeding trouble brewing on the ship - Athena will bring order to things as order has been restored to her inner world.

Hopefully you've enjoyed this little canter through the costumes of 7x01 we're back in business and I can't wait to read your comments in the tags and comments 🥰

Tagging for those who've asked to be tagged - drop me a comment on this post if you'd like to be added to the list for the next meta 😎

@theladyyavilee @mistmarauder @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @mandzuking17 @spotsandsocks @loveyou2thecore @wanderingwomanwondering @oneawkwardcookie @leothil @copyninjabuckley @nathleigh @shammers86 @crazyfangirlallert @missmagooglie @inandoutoffocus @katyobsesses @radiation-run @gayandbifiremenofmine @lemotmo @bi-moonlight @satvojihusana @crazyaboutotps @princesschez75 @mongreloer @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @sherlocking-out-loud

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s8 episode 15 “deadalive” thoughts

somehow, i survived waiting 24-ish hours between watching the last episode and starting this one. no idea how i found the strength.

but here we are. and i think i’m probably going to cry again today. 

i am interested to see if we’ll get doggett and reyes time or if this will be scully and skinner only. and i am interested to see, uh… well… how this stuff happens.

it has the plot RIGHT THERE in the episode description, so it’s hard for me to feign surprise 💀 i know what happens, but i don’t know how!!

oh, i can feel my tears kicking into gear already. 

let’s go.

(post-episode thoughts: waughhhhh…. waughhhhhh…. awooooooooo <- those are the sounds of me howling and moaning

actually, vague noises of pain aside, i tried to really articulate WHY everything hurt so much in this writeup, so i hope you appreciate that 🙏

certain parts of this episode made little sense, but overall, there was some REALLY good stuff. REALLY, REALLY good stuff.

and while all of our characters had very important moments in their journey here, the one who sticks out to me the most is skinner. he did not hesitate to do either of those Very Risky Things he did for a SECOND. there was no doubt in his mind at all. he would throw everything away for them. and, wow… that’s just…. so much. he’s so much.

and doggett, too……. we got the whole range of him in this episode. he was so sweet!!! and then he was in a rage because he’s so worried about scully and thinks she’s off the deep end, making everything worse for herself. and he’s reliving his worst moments, thinks she’s trying to get rid of him, leaves in a fury… then he goes back, gets roped into the krycek nonsense, slammed around in the car, comes back for scully, always… walks away from a career, from a FUTURE…. and then the last scene. him standing there. walking in. and then realizing it is a private moment and leaving. WAHHHHH.

and scully…. where to even begin? her collapsing into skinner, then bursting into the hospital, slamming her hands into his chest, yelling, i need to see him, i need to see him… doggett trying to protect her but Setting Her Off. going into Doctor Mode. sitting by his bed, holding his hand………..

also, i will never hear you krycek apologists out AGAIN. that is a SICK FUCK!!!! before he was evil, but it was kinda camp, but now??? i’m putting a bounty on his pretty head. we need to hunt him with lasers and stun guns and all other methods of cruel and unusual punishment. i want him eviscerated AT ONCE!!!)

“previously on the x files” <- girl, i don’t think we forgot what happened last time, LMAOOOOOO

are we getting more absalom lore? because he is featuring heavily in this recap

okay, back to the current plot.

oh my GOD, mulder really is getting buried in raleigh with his mother. we open at a winter funeral. winter… how long after may is this… (doing mental calculations) eh, i can’t do math rn.

doggett is here too, as are the gunmen. OHHHH MY GOD, the gunmen…. them being here makes it feel real

whoever is doing the funeral is asking for them to pray for his eternal soul and all that, and i’m not sure he would want that, but it might bring the guests some peace, i suppose. i doubt he had any funeral plans arranged in terms of like, who would do the talking and the burying and all that. just his headstone and plot.

and scully’s mom is here, too :( scully closes her eyes as they pray. takes a deep breath.

i was hoping we would see mrs. scully soon… but not like this :(

and then everyone else has left- it is just scully and skinner, watching the casket.

“he was the last” she says. “his father and mother… his sister. all gone” <- oh my god. i’m just gonna keep saying that a lot today.

“i think the real tragedy… is that for all of his pain and searching… the truth that he worked so hard to find was never truly revealed to him” her voice breaking, oh my god. 

“i don’t truly believe that mulder’s the last” <- oh my god. can someone please hit me with a truck? skinner coming in with the one hit KO. oh my god. fuck me. 

he said “i know he’s the father of that baby”, i’m cryingggggg. jokes aside though. wow. him trying to hold onto hope for her, give her something to cling onto… wow.

she kneels down. sprinkles some dirt over the casket. crying. oh, SHE FALLS INTO SKINNER’S CHEST LIKE A TON OF BRICKS… OH, THIS HURTS.

(the way their relationship has changed over these last few months has been absolutely fascinating. both bound together by grief of different kinds… and again, him being the very first to know about her big secret…

i assume she told him before her mother, because we see her call her later and say she has things she needs to talk about… and boy, i wish we could have seen that conversation…

but the red string of fate tying them together in ways only they can understand. going from being one of the very few people the other could trust in this terrifying world to much more than that, an actual lifeline… their mutual grief and guilt opening up doors that previously both of them would have kept boxed up and locked away. wow. so impactful)

and then the intro. BITCH! i don’t want the spooky song right now!!!

i need time to process this……. poor scully… poor gunmen…. 

allegedly mulder is here today 🤨🤨

so what now? where do we go from here? just… another case or something?

chris carter, when i catch you…

THREE MONTHS LATER. 

(BIG ASS TIMESKIP!!!!)

doggett comes into kersh’s office with skinner. “smile, john. you look tense” <- now, what is kersh planning…. and why is doggett his favorite?

he’s getting something? “a letter to the director citing your meritorious efforts in the recovery of agent fox mulder”

oh no…. he’s going to lose it…

“AND a recommendation that you be considered for advancement” damn, skinner was right about him being on a fast track to the directorship… what is he going to say!

skinner is quiet. doggett looks at him. “sir, the assistant director here deserves more credit than i…” <- oh :( a gentleman :(

but skinner says he wrote a letter too, transferring him off of the x files and “to a division more suited to your talents” <- which one?? violent crimes or something? idk the FBI areas 💔

skinner won’t look at him, but kersh smiles. says he is a man of his word. but doggett wants to give any transfer some thought. “fish while they’re biting, john”

omg…. what will he do???

scully is in the office, looking for a file, and there is no hiding her secret now, because she is very visibly pregnant. i thought she was going to go on leave, but i guess that plan changed, because she is still here.

i wonder what all the coworkers think… i bet all the gossip is very isolating.

and doggett comes in. OHHHH, he says good morning, asks how she’s feeling… she says she’s fine and asks him the same: “me? good. but then i don’t got a little j edgar to lug around” <- SCULLY :( doggett :( he’s such a dork…

she is not smiling. says skinner just called. “well, whatever he told you, i’m still going to be here to drive you crazy with questions and nagging doubt” <- he SMILES, AWWWWW, once again i point out: he likes her!!!!!!!!!

she tells him he’d be crazy to stay, but he says it’s not his career kersh has in mind. “in six weeks, you go on maternity leave. kersh transfers me out, guess what? he gets to lock that door over there for good” <- oh………. and his glance at her while saying that…

“you don’t owe me anything, agent doggett” <- OH…….. does she think he feels guilty that mulder was found dead... or like he has to protect her in some way???

“they put me down here to find mulder. i found him. so what? we still got an open file on this case, and i got big questions” 

i just had to look up from taking notes and sigh really deeply. just wanted everyone to know. he is a Good Man. a little cocky. but we'll keep him around.

she laughs a little. “what?” “i heard the same speech come out of my mouth 7 years ago” oh, way back in s2 when they shut the x files down for the very first time :( and things still felt so new and possible

she sits down… “get out while you can, agent doggett… or you may never get out at all” OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

implying that the x files bring only pain and suffering and death. wow.

i wish i could see those photos on the side of the wall better…….. 

he does not seem pleased she said that. perhaps he is pondering….

so much to unpack there already. doggett trying so hard to be gentle with her. aughhhh, she looked like it hurt to walk around :( and she still has to be there for 6 more weeks! that is fucked up.

although, something tells me that she would keep working no matter what, physical discomfort and emotional agony be damned. she has to keep moving or she'll break down.

it must really extremely suck to be a pregnant FBI agent. damn. pour one out for scully.

and he really thinks they might shut down the x files… so he says he’ll stay. scully seems like she doesn't want him to stay and throw away his career for her sake. like she thinks she's a lost cause or something. like she hates his gentlemanly pity. i wonder what she plans on doing if they shut the x files down. 

okay, let us jump to a ship off the coast of north carolina. loud rain and thunder. it’s fishing time. guys in bright yellow slickers haul things up. and then someone screams they have to stop. something is in the net!

but what? probably not a dolphin. i don’t think they have those in north carolina. lemme look that up real quick. oh shit, there are dolphins in north carolina!!! the more you know.

well, it doesn't matter, because it is not a dolphin we are dealing with today. it is... a body? they call for the coast guard. a floating naked body.

and someone comes in to do an autopsy. the doctor notes linear pattern scarring on the cheeks. BLEH, the assistant sees the mouth move?? the doctor starts to joke, but then he sees it, too!!!

doggett gets a phone call in the middle of the night! answers with a groggy “yeah?” it’s skinner, who wants him at the bureau right now. but i want to analyze his bedroom.

well, there isn’t much to look at. very wooden. blankets look cozy, though. seems like the type of guy who would be into living in a cabin in the woods.

(i didn't even see any decor, like his racing posters downstairs... if redrum gave us one thing, it was the gift of analyzing doggett's interior design prowess or lack thereof)

the fisherman found a dead body and it was billy miles!!! doggett doesn’t know who that is, so skinner explains. what is the big hurry? “now he’s alive” <- OKAY! now we're cooking!!!

what happened to our friend billy????

he gets in the car with skinner and asks if he’s told scully. doggett strongly recommends that he doesn’t. it’ll reopen old wounds and she’s had a difficult pregnancy.

aughhhhh :( poor scully... the fact that he knows this, and you KNOW she did not want to tell him about that... with all the damn spine slugs and hospital visits... it must have been pretty fucking rough considering one of her trademark catchphrases is "i'm fine" (which generally means she is Not)

skinner says he wouldn’t have told her anyway… not where we’re going. and where is that??

the graveyard??? are they gonna dig mulder up?

doggett does NOT want to do it.

“i’ll say it again, we’re opening up more than a grave here”

“i respect that, agent doggett, but under the circumstances, i think not digging it up would be far more regrettable, don’t you?”

“NO!” LMAO, he has strong feelings on this. “i think this is insanity” <- the boston came out on that line!!! he’s pissed!!

“yeah, well, personally, i couldn’t live with the doubt” <- skinnnnneeer :( willing to do anything, absolutely ANYTHING, to make sure his agents always get a chance... trying to avoid more of the guilt that already haunts him... and his ability to recognize that. damn. i'm having many thoughts.

remember when i thought he was evil in like, s2? LMAO. how wrong i was… sometimes i like being wrong, though. this was best case scenario. now that is my friend skinner

“we saw da same body!” yells doggett, his accent continuing to vex and intrigue me

but there is a crew of people here digging the body up. and they take it in for an investigation. where a whole bunch of people are watching. skinner declares he wants them gone. 

doggett gets ‘em gone: “alright, listen up ladies and gentlemen. as much as you’re here to see the horror show, i’m not letting that casket open up until we get some privacy. it’s a private matter. thank you” <- love a man that gets results!!!

skinner is staring like he might have made a giant mistake. also, he asked for a specific pathologist…. who could that be?? we only really know of one…

this must be the doctor that analyzed billy. and it is! along with his assistant. he tells skinner it’s a totally different situation. doggett reminds skinner again that he is insane. they lift it open. 

he looks dead… but so did billy. who knows? skinner peers in.

OH! they’re at a new hospital now. and scully is here. how did she hear about this? she is striding in with purpose.

“is it true?” skinner tells her to slow down. “no. i want to see him” he gets closer. “i know you do”

“no, i need to see him, damn it!” she slams his chest. ohhhhhhh....... the physical manifestations of grief... i cannot imagine how she feels

he grabs her: “you’re not going in there! scully, you can’t”

“tell me it’s true. tell me” 

doggett is standing next to mulder’s bed, where he is hooked up to a machine. a doctor remarks that it is so improbable “i would have said impossible before this” 

doggett must be thinking: damn. wtf. 

and frankly, so am i. bro had no food or water for 3 months. hello?

his tissue and all other systems are in a state of decomposition, the doctor explains. effectively, he’s dead. 

scully is waiting outside, her hands crossed- is she praying? doggett steps out.

she sees doggett. steps closer. says she needs to see mulder. “i know, but i wish you wouldn’t” <- WAUGHHHHHHGGGHHHH

him recognizing her need but wanting to shield her from the pain. yeah.

she slips by him very slowly while skinner stares. she approaches the hospital bed, also very slowly. is that a smile? yes, she’s smiling. touches his arm. feels his chest move up and down. rests her head on his heart. cries into his chest. 

at 5:35 am, kersh summons doggett. i think he’s about to get yelled at. kersh says something about not having seen the sunrise from his office yet. “i believe the sunrise isn't for another hour and six minutes, sir” <- now, why does he know that?

i love that for him. love it when a character knows weird facts.

kersh is being spooky….. “i know you look forward to a future at the FBI, john” <- OHHHH he seems to be making a threat….

he got a call about this mulder thing. he wants him to drop it. “you know the tune: if it looks bad, it’s bad for the FBI” <- HUH??? he wants him to just ignore it??? or leave him to die?? can you imagine that happening after he has spent MONTHS trying to find him? doggett, the loyal one, just walking away??

kersh says he’s throwing him a rope. tells him not to hang himself with it.

uhhhh…. okay. idk what to do with that information.

scully comes back in the hospital room. did she go home at all? wait, different hospital room! is this billy? covered in dead and peeling skin? yes, it is!

but he starts thrashing about! the monitor has a question mark on it! and then he goes back to normal?!! what is that about?? 

a nurse comes in, looks at scully, and asks who tf are you, LMAO. she says she was just looking in and he went into seizure (?) but he’s fine… and then she says she’s a doctor with the FBI. bahaha, awwww. poor thing got caught sneaking about and has to explain herself on the spot. you know she struggles with that!

“the man down the hall was my… is my partner” <- OHHHH, THAT CORRECTION.

she says they knew billy. she hoped there was some indication he was doing better. and then she leaves. but before she does, she says to tell the doctor about the seizure and also check the equipment - it might have malfunctioned. and then she is gone. the nurse is probably so confused, lmao.

skinner is back at the office…. is kersh summoning him??? WTF, he stumbles and falls over?? AUGH!!!! is it his digital disease that krycek controls?? some people pick him up, but like wtf..…

IT IS FUCKING KRYCEK IN THE ELEVATOR, OMFGGGGG THE RAT BASTARD… 

he tells him that he doesn't know how he got in this building, but he can to go to hell, LMAOOOOOO as he should!!!

but then krycek makes the thingy go off again. and skinner’s on the ground grasping his shoulder. so he comes back to krycek. who says it's time to take a ride

krycek is sitting in mulder’s desk, perverting it with his foul presence. says he heard mulder came back from the dead - he’s a regular houdini. he claims he’ll give skinner a chance to save his life. you never want something that simple, devil boy. and skinner tells him as much. 

oh. he says he wants to use his robot tech that is in skinner right now to save mulder? uh... that sounds like he'll just use it to manipulate him the way he is currently with skinner. seems like a terrible idea

“i don’t think his life can be saved” oh :(

and now krycek claims he has a vaccine. mulder's father developed it. “you found him, and you don’t even know what you’ve got”

skinner lunges for the remote. but krycek is quicker. 

man. i really dislike that guy. is he the head of the syndicate now? or is he doing his own thing? maybe a little bit of both? fuck him though, fr.

billy looks nasty and dead. but he opens an eye! and his mouth! takes out his mouth tube! how did they do all that makeup?!

he gets up…. starts to walk… the monitors are going crazy. he’s showering?? AUGH, the dead flesh falling off of him is disgusting, oh my GOD. all the blood in the drain. BLEAUGH, the little THUNKS it makes at it falls off. man, i don’t wanna see that shit. but underneath is… clean skin?

that makeup looked thick and nasty af; shoutout to the makeup team and the dude playing billy for enduring that

doggett comes in to find scully sitting with mulder, one hand holding his and one on her belly. “you can’t do this to yourself” “you asked me not to come in here, agent doggett. i hope you’re not asking me to leave” <- she'll sit there forever...

ohhhh, he set her off. “concern’s for your well-being, agent scully. that’s all it’s ever for” he is worried about her :(

he tells her he was against the idea of digging him up, worried about what effect it might have on her, what mulder’s chances are, and she shoots up.

“agent doggett… however i felt about you when we first met, you changed my opinion with the quality of your character and of your work. now, i am thankful to know you, and i am thankful for your concern… but no matter what mulder’s chances are, the choice not to open up that grave was wrong”

he opens his mouth to say something, but stops. “and not because of me personally, but as my partner on the x files. now the truth may hurt, but it’s all that matters.”

“what truth?”

“about what caused this” 

she must feel frustrated by his concern but the fact he said he was against the idea was Not the best move on his part. BUT! she said she respects him :( and is glad to know him :( and her opinion of him changed :(

at the end of the day, it is all about the Truth... he needs to be initiated into its search...

the nurse comes to fetch scully, saying she has to come quick, it’s billy miles!!! he’s just… standing there…. menacingly!!!

then he turns to look at scully and doggett! all his dead skin seems to be washed away!!! he's totally naked!!!

he says he doesn’t remember much of anything. he's wrapped in a blanket while scully talks to him. he says he remembers water. and being on the ship. “you were found on a fishing boat”, doggett explains. but scully interjects: “that’s not what you mean, is it billy? you mean… a spacecraft”

he says they took so many, but now he understands: they’re here to save us. and he smiles. 

doggett says that’s great news and he’ll let them talk. he walks away.

“agent doggett, where are you going?” ohhh, the girls are fighting!!! “back to the real world. why?”

“you just won’t believe it, will you? not even for a minute. not even with it staring you right in the face”

“is that so important to you? what i believe or don’t believe?” OHHH… “i’m not really up to this assignment anyway, as you so gently put it” <- THAT’S NOT WHAT SHE MEANT AND YOU KNOW THAT… he's sensitive

“i underestimated you, agent doggett. i thought this was just simple resistance to extreme possibilities, when, in fact, you’re just downright bullheaded” <- well, scully, you have done some time in the bullheaded trenches yourself... but i understand her frustration with everything on the line

“do you believe it, agent scully? i mean, that stuff he said about aliens coming to save the world?” this, in fact, shuts her up. 

he leaves. ohhhh, he can be a menace when he wants. 

but he won’t really go to kersh and get reassigned… right?

so she’s marking up prints of brain scans now when in comes skinner. no one told him about billy. she says she’s sorry.

but it’s too incredible. everything about him is normal. it doesn’t make sense. there should be something wrong with him. it’s like he became a new person… and not the same one. 

skinner asks if this could be alien- a virus. does he know something? 

he says there may be a vaccine. “it doesn't come without a price” “this is about saving a man’s life” “yes…. it is”

what…. is krycek going to bargain skinner’s life for mulder’s? i feel like he'll take that deal and then scully will hate him for it...

jump to... somewhere else. doggett is at a prison. visiting absalom! who greets doggett as brother.

“how they treating you?”, he asks. like a prophet, absalom replies.

which is why doggett came: to ask about the prophecies. about the men and women left for dead. “you’re here to receive the word…. and yet you can’t bring yourself to say my name. say it.” 

doggett smiles. “absalom”

(the vibes here were crazyyyy, omg)

i am the resurrection and the life. do you know the words? “they’re from the bible” <- yes, doggett, this is true 👍

(this made me laugh in a way i cannot quite articulate. yeah, they are from the bible! you did it, buddy! he may not know which book, but he knows the source text! i appreciate that he isn't giving this dude an inch, though)

what is the bible? this dude is craaaaazy. doggett wants to know how he healed those people. he needs his help. “you ask for my help… but you refuse to believe in me”

bro, you didn't even heal those people. how are you gonna take credit for it? that's stolen valor.

skinner walks back through the hospital. stops outside a room. peers in. sees mulder hooked up to all those tubes. and krycek stands next to him!!!!!!! “i need the vaccine, alex”. he asks what he has to do. 

“oh, it’s simple, really: make sure scully doesn’t come to term” <- WHAT?????

that is NOT what i thought he would say, omfg…. yeah, he is not doing that shit dawg. can you imagine…? the mere thought is impossible to comprehend.

and how is that SIMPLE? wtf is skinner gonna do to make that happen? is this something krycek has done before and can give him a tutorial on? i don't even WANT to know.

he says she can’t have that baby. WHAT IS IT TO YOU, ALEX?

skinner flatly says no. krycek points out they all have a life in their hands: mulder's is in skinner's hands, skinner's is in krycek's, and scully has the baby. it’s all about who is willing to sacrifice. 

we need to kill that guy. with roach spray.

doggett walks by krycek in the hall, then eyes him suspiciously. he detected his terrible vibes. looks in at skinner. then he sees scully. 

doggett asks where she’s going. “look, i don’t have time to waste debating our differences, agent doggett. i strongly believe that agent mulder is infected with a virus” <- fair enough

now hold on, i’m still comprehending: why the actual fuck does krycek want to keep her from having a baby???????????????

how is skinner gonna tell her that?

anyway. she thinks that this virus he has will keep him alive just long enough for him to transform into an alien.

and doggett replies that he isn’t here to argue. absalom said the same thing would happen: that if he hadn’t resurrected them, they would have come back as aliens and taken over the world.

ohhhh, so that is why the aliens are doing that. i guess that sort of makes sense? idk, they left them mostly for dead though! if they’re dead, how does that help anyone? billy recovered, but gary didn’t. there is very little a dead-dead, actually, fully dead, guy can do to help the alien cause. unless, of course, he was actually still alive somehow, too.....

scully remembers that she saw the two heartbeats on the monitor while billy was having a seizure, but she thought it was a glitch. it must have been an alien taking over...

she is off to get a surgical team and needs to keep mulder's body stabilized to administer the vaccine. the one he asked skinner to get.

doggett is confused af. he is locked out of the room he just saw skinner in. pounds on the door. tells him to open up. the monitor starts to beep.

DOGGETT KICKS DOWN THE DOOR and SKINNER IS TAKING MULDER OFF OF ALL HIS VARIOUS LIFE SUPPORT TUBES!!!

doggett SLAMS him against the wall: “you’re killing him!”

“i had no choice! he wanted me to kill scully’s baby” oh my god. doggett just walked into something extreme.

“where is he?” 

i appreciate that his first reaction isn't even "who" or "why" or "wtf does scully's baby have to do with any of this" and "who would gain anything from killing it", all of which are very good questions. but he simply does not have them time for them. as such, he goes straight to find him on his own. i have immense respect for that.

krycek is waiting in a car in a parking garage. doggett has his gun... but krycek sees him in the mirror on his car door.

krycek BACKS INTO HIM, but doggett gets up and PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE, telling him to stop the car. he climbs in the window!!! doggett is being whipped around!! krycek knocks him out of the car window!!!!

and krycek speeds away!!! but he comes back!! shows him the vaccine. he's gonna drop it, omg. and he does. it shatters. the liquid spills on the ground. i half wondered if he'd go find a pipette somewhere and try to suck it up.

krycek kinda looks turned on by this whole thing. i'd say "new crack ship just dropped", but i don't even want to give krycek the pleasure of shipping him with anybody. he wipes the blood from his lips. doggett charges, but he zips away. his face covered in bruises.

back in the hospital, skinner asks him for the vaccine. mulder is in the OR. he tells him he wasn’t wrong: krycek wasn’t to be trusted.

he peeks in as the doctors get ready. asks scully if he’ll make it. OH! she says that by keeping him on life support, they were incubating the virus. when skinner pulled him off of life support, his temperature dropped without impacting his vital signs.

WAIT, so she knows skinner tried to kill mulder to save her???? she knows krycek said she can't have her baby? and she is just moving on with surgery??? or was that not explained to her and she thinks skinner just went sicko mode on mulder for no reason?

damn. either way, that’s impressive. i would have broken down. but she has to be working to keep it together.

“you mean skinner saved him?” she nods. 

they’ll give him some antivirals. it might work. 

doggett’s phone rings. he steps out of the operating room. kersh has summoned him. doggett stands before him with his bruised face. tells him he was with scully. “it’s going to be awful crowded down in that x files office”

kersh sits. puts on his glasses. “maybe you didn’t hear me. i said you’re on the wrong floor” “yes sir”

so he’s letting him stay on the x files???? why would he do that???? what is kersh’s motivation???

i have sooooo many questions about this guy.

mulder is back in a hospital bed post-treatment. scully grabs his hand. runs her thumb over it. it jerks. he moves his head. she calls his name. he opens his eyes!

“hi!” she says, sounding so happy. he asks who she is. her face falls. but he smiles. “oh my god. don’t do that to me!” she laughs, and tears pour down her face.

she asks if he knows what he’s been through. “only what i see in your face” (OUGHHHHH, that is arguably the most painful response. he can tell she is Suffering Immensely)

she brushes his hair. sets her head on his chest. “anybody miss me?” she laughs. 

doggett starts to come in, but he sees scully crying into mulder. he looks like he’s seen something he isn’t supposed to. and walks away.

AHHHHH (rips my shirt off in grief)

the end.

presses rewind.

doggett…………… 

i need to go lay down.

this episode was CRAZY. we need to hunt alex krycek DOWN. what the fuck does he want with her baby? what kind of SICK FUCK?! i mean, i knew he was sick, but that is supervillain evil shit. i will NEVER hear y’all out about that man again. he wanted HER BABY DEAD??????

so skinner said fuck that and was gonna KILL MULDER!!!!! he said ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! ripped all those life support tubes out himself!!!! if someone had to die, he knew who it would be. which is... wow. scully always comes first.

and doggett coming to stop him, KICKING THAT DOOR DOWN, WHEW. i'll say it: it was kinda hot.

but poor skinner explained why he was doing it, and even though everything he was saying sounded like the ramblings of a madman, doggett said okay. i’ll go kill him myself. unfortunately, krycek is a slippery weasel and cannot be killed through normal means. he’s gonna have to die by solving some sort of riddle or a prophecy technicality.

okay, some favorite parts of this episode:

doggett arguing to skinner that he shouldn’t tell scully because it’ll be too hard on her, because he WORRIES ABOUT HER

scully coming in at the hospital and slamming her hands into skinner's chest because she needs to see him. he says she can’t, and sends doggett in instead. she tells him she needs to see him, and doggett says he knows... he just wishes she wouldn’t. because he recognizes that no matter how much he worries over her or sees himself in her grief, he can't control her

when scully shows up to work and doggett asks how she is feeling ☹️☹️☹️☹️ that man is uncle material

and then he says he plans on staying on the x files because if he doesn’t they’ll close them down ☹️☹️ which scully says is foolish because he'll be throwing his career away 💔💔 how far would his loyalty and sense of duty to her extend when his future is on the line? does he miss life before all of this? does he know there is no life after?

i didn’t like their fight, but it was thematically interesting. her calling him bullheaded; him saying he’ll leave like she told him too… it all makes so much more sense now in the context of losing his son. having a new skeptic on the block is frustrating, but positioning it within the context of his grief makes it a lot more interesting. i guess i wish they had revealed that a little earlier. without that context he kinda just comes off as a hater, lmao.

and then he sees mulder and scully at the end, reunited, and it is like he walked into something he shouldn’t have seen, so he just… walks away.

Mulder and Scully. Scully and Mulder. back together. after he has heard so much about them. after they have ascended to myth. their reunion has very strange implications for him. i wonder if he'll feel he can leave now if they're both back, or if he'll feel like he has to stay because he is invested and loyal to scully, and maybe if he stays on, kersh won't shut them down, since he is kersh's golden boy...

scully telling him she appreciates him and is glad to know him, but also telling him off because they need to find The Truth, whatever that may be, because it is the only thing that matters… it hurt my heart.

i still cannot fucking believe krycek said “kill her baby” to SKINNER, like what the FUCK??????? and i assume she knows that because she knew he ripped out all of mulder’s medical equipment??? how is she going to react to that when there is time to process it?

and mulder being a little BASTARD and asking who she was, LMAOOOOO, oh her poor face… but she she starts to laugh and rests her head on his chest…. 

and god, at the beginning, when she said the saddest thing was that he never got answers… maybe now they can get answers. and how she collapsed into skinner, like her body just couldn't stay upright any longer……….. fuck.

maybe now he won't be the last one. maybe now they can start over. and start a family.

so doggett is allowed to stay on the x files. but for what purpose? what cards is kersh holding? i assumed he was in line with krycek somehow… is he hoping to keep him on as some sort of a spy, like scully originally was? or is he actually a decent guy deep down and we’re just now seeing that?

i don’t even want to try and unpack the alien lore, because it doesn’t make sense. they test on the bodies and then drop them nearly dead. and then jeremiah heals the ones he can for… what purpose? out of guilt? or is he actually aiding the alien mission? no, that can’t be it, because they took him back… unless that was also a cover story.

but gary died, so why did billy live? because he was dropped in the ocean? then why wouldn’t they drop everyone in the ocean? because why would some of them live and get better through the power of the virus and some of them just die? it doesn’t make sense to me… unless, of course, gary is also alive, just buried in a coffin somewhere and waiting to be dug up... but if they just leave him there what will happen?

doggett seeing scully and mulder reunited and knowing that he will never be reunited with his son. yeah. that’s fucked up. 

wow. my brain…

the roadtrip with skinner and doggett where doggett tells his boss over and over again he is insane for digging up their dead coworker... i wonder what doggett was thinking in that moment.

i mean, we do kinda need a straight man (in the comedy sense - i don’t claim to speak for doggett’s orientation) in these sorts of things, which scully served the role of for a while (although she had her moments of making everything crazier, which i love about her!!!).

we need a guy to look at the camera and be like “isn’t this plot fucked up? we’re catching dracula and also robbing graves. that’s fucked up” to ground us, the non-supernatural audience. so now that scully is more open to extreme possibilities… maybe that will be his role.

i can’t wait to see how he gets along with mulder, omg, or if he’ll feel terribly left out as some sort of third wheel… or will there be some awkward dance as the rhythm scully and doggett got into is disrupted… will they even like each other?!

oh my god, mulder’s gonna be so sad when he learns she is pregnant and he wasn’t there for the majority of it, but also he is just going to be GAGGED in general.

that is going to be an interesting conversation because… he is still mostly pretty dead at the moment and probably not very observant, but the minute she stands up he’s gonna realize and be like hey. scully. wtf.

and then she’s gonna have to explain that it might actually be an alien, and also krycek wants to kill her. and it’s been really hard in the normal ways that these things are hard as well, with normal non-slug related complications and her grief and being alone. he’s gonna feel all guilty for being dead and not being there for her, and it’ll probably take them some time to get back in a rhythm, and also now doggett is here… 

what about reyes? where was she today? will she come back? what for? i want to see her more often!! let me see her with mulder, too

and now he will be an x file, omg…

i feel like doggett will be really weirded out being the metaphorical third in this and like he might end up leaving, but idk… maybe i’m all wrong. he’s sensitive!!!!

i want to know what happened in those 3 months. so yeah, full disclosure, i did know this was going to happen and that there is the three month time skip WHICH i found out while looking at the fics by my fave txt author and accidentally coming across a blurb for a fic that explores this exact premise.

but the good news is i already know that person wrote a fic on the exact thing i want to read, which means tomorrow there is plenty to look forward to.

fuck. can’t believe we have to deal with krycek again and scully is in danger. maybe they can run away and live in a cabin in the woods and be happy. well, maybe not THE WOODS, as in an actual cabin and hunting moose and stuff... but maybe some sort of rural area. somewhere quiet. without aliens. where scully can be a doctor and mulder can get a PhD and teach at a local community college, or a masters and go into practice, or whatever it is that mulders do in an alternate reality where things are safer. although, i somehow think the aliens and ghouls will continue to find them forever. they have an aura the aliens love. and raise a spooky little kid.

i told you, i’m brainstorming the “they all lived happily-ish ever after” au. i’m serious about it… if i could draw, i already know what i would be drawing. but i can't. so here we are. me, stuck imagining things in my head.

oh man, i just realized we didn't get to see the skinner and mulder reunion... i CANNOT WAIT for that. it'll be so charged. ahhh!

as always, i ask that you please tell me EVERYTHING about your initial reaction to seeing this!!!!!!! where did you cry/scream/yell the most? whose arc made you the most emo? did you have a feeling he was coming back? did you also want to beat krycek with a brick? share it all! i love hearing your reactions!!! it makes me so happy!!!

[ozwriterchick]

Back to Us - Chapter 6

Summary: Y/n wakes after an accident to her Avengers team-mates. But something isn't quite right and only Steve and Tony can see it.

Characters/Relationships: Steve Rogers x Reader; Tony Stark; Natasha Romanoff; Other Avengers Characters

Content warnings: Mentions of an accident (no details yet); If I missed any, let me know

A/N: If you want to be tagged, let me know.

Not beta'd so any mistakes are my own. I don't write smut, but there are allusions to smut in my stories.

Back to Us Masterlist

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Word count: 1465 (approx.)

You and Steve settle into a routine over the next couple of weeks, where every other day you get together for some adult fun.  Each day you seem to be unlocking more and more memories.  You still have the feeling however, that some really important things are missing.

The only thing you’re concerned about is the amount of times you go looking for Steve and he’s not around.  Everyone you ask just tells you that he had to go because something came up.  Honestly, it worries you because you still have the girlfriend thing in the back of your mind, but you know he’s an important, busy guy so you just brush it off, certain if he had a girlfriend you would have known by now.

After about a week, you ask Tony to meet you in the lab so you can talk to both him and Bruce.

“What’s up, kiddo?” Tony asked.

“Well, I’ve started to get some memories back, and there seems to be a lot coming through.  Having said that, I feel like what you’re not telling me is that my memory gap is huge.  The amount of memories coming back is so large, that the timeframe has to also be huge, logically” You hope you’re articulating this well enough. “It’s not just days or weeks is it?”

“Well, no it isn’t Y/n” Bruce answered your question sympathetically.  “We didn’t want to tell you how long, the Doc suggested we don’t give you specifics as it might be too much of a shock.  However, now that you’re starting to regain some memories, maybe it’s time to tell you some things.”

“Y/n” Tony began. “The last memory you had in the hospital – the Romanian Hydra mission, that was 4 years ago.”

You sit down on the chair beside you as you let the words he’s just said sink in.  You can’t quite believe that he just said 4 years had passed since that mission to Romania.  “Are you serious?  How did I lose 4 years of memories?”

“Nobody can tell” Bruce started to explain. “The brain is a mysterious thing.  They don’t know why certain portions of time go missing and others don’t”

“Right.  Well, I think I need to take some time and go for a walk to help digest this new information.” You said slowly.  “I’ll be back later with, I’m sure, a gazillion more questions.”

Bruce and Tony nod as they silently watch you leave the building and head out into the garden of the compound and then calmly went back to their work.

About an hour later, Steve strides into the lab.  Looking around he seems to be searching for something.  “Hey, have you guys seen Y/n?”

“Yeah, she went out to the garden.  We just let her know how big the memory gap is.  We know you’re keen for her to remember, but just give her some space for now.  She is, quite justifiably, shocked at how long the memory gap is.” Tony went on to explain the earlier conversation further to Steve.

“I get it.  How was she when you told her?” Steve asked.

“Well, apart from the shock, she seemed to take it alright, considering she thought it was days/weeks, but she’d kind of pieced together that it was longer than that, given the depth of memories, she has already got back.” Bruce told Steve.  “She just said she needed some space and time to sort through it all in her head.”

On your return to the compound, you head towards the lab, intending to ask Tony & Bruce some more questions when you hear raised voices.  You realise it’s Tony, Bruce and Steve in the lab, they don’t sound like they’re arguing but there’s something going on.

You quietly let yourself in through the nearby door, to avoid interrupting them.  The voices become clearer and the only thing you hear sends chills through your body and mind. 

Your brain singles out Steve saying “My fiancé” and the rest of your mind shuts down.  You don’t hear anything else.  You hadn’t realised until that moment that you were falling for him and to hear that he has a fiancé, while he’s been sleeping with you, makes you wonder what kind of guy he really is and how you could have misjudged him.  Now all those times he disappeared because “something came up” made sense.

You turn, stumbling but catch yourself before you actually fall and silently head back to your room to pack a bag.  You need some space from literally everything.

As you’re leaving your room you see Tony who is heading along the corridor towards you.

“Hey kiddo, where are you heading?” Tony asks, eyeing the bag in your hand.

“Oh, hey Tony, I was just coming to find you to let you know.  I’ve been thinking about everything I’ve heard this morning and I think I need a few days away to get my head around all that information.  So, I’m going to stay with a friend.  Someone none of you know so there’s no temptation for ANYONE to follow me” you tell him, you look at him pointedly, hoping he understands what you’re not saying.

“Listen Y/n, I know hearing that the gap is 4 years is hard to take and I get the need for some space.  We’ll all be here when you’ve got your head right and are ready to talk. Just… Don’t take too long ok? We’ll all miss you while you’re gone.”

“Thanks Tony.  Yeah, 4 years is way longer than I thought, but it’s not just that.  Look, I’ve gotta go, I need to go and I don’t want anyone seeing and trying to stop me.  Let everyone know I’ll be back when I’m ready.”

“All good.  The Quinjet is ready and will take you wherever you need to go. FRIDAY will wipe your destination coordinates once you get there so nobody is tempted to look it up in the flight log.” Tony assured you.  “Just stay in touch, even if it’s just with me, so I know you’re ok, ok?”

You hug Tony and say “Thanks old man”

“Hey, enough of the old alright, just call or text me when you’re ready to come back and I’ll send the jet for you.  No matter where you are.”

You race towards the plane before anyone can see you, jump aboard and give FRIDAY your destination info, ready to put everything behind you for at least the next few days.

Steve walks into the lounge just in time to see the Quinjet taking off.  He looks over at Tony who is looking a bit melancholy watching the jet take off and fly away.

“Hey Tony, who’s going where?  Is there a mission I don’t know about?” Steve asks.

“No Cap, Y/n is just heading off for a few days R&R.  She wanted to get going quickly so I told her to take the Quinjet, FRIDAY can pilot it back once it drops her off.”

Steve looks shocked.  “She never said anything. She didn’t even say goodbye to me.”

“She doesn’t remember that she should talk to you about decisions she makes about her life.  As far as she’s concerned, she doesn’t have to run anything by anyone.”

“But we’ve been getting closer, I thought we were starting to get somewhere with her and I.  I really need to talk to her Stark.  I need to make sure she’s ok.  Do you know where she’s going or should I ask FRIDAY?”

“Won’t do you any good Rogers.  I’ve told FRIDAY to wipe her coordinates once she gets where she’s going.  She specifically said she didn’t want to be disturbed by ANYONE!”

“Tony, anything could happen to her out there, she doesn’t remember anything from the last 4 years.  And what about Noah?”

“I can’t do much about that, but I’m not telling her about Noah and you aren’t either.  I’m pretty sure her memories are coming back and she’s just processing the bits as they come through.  She’ll remember you and she’ll remember Noah.  She’ll be back, she gave me no indication that she wouldn’t, she just said she needed to get her head around everything.

She’s gone through a lot in the last couple of weeks Cap and you of all people should understand how she’ll try and deal with it and what she needs.  And I can guarantee if you try and contact her when she’s expressly said she doesn’t want it, things will be worse.”

With that, Tony walked back towards his office, wanting to catch up on some paperwork as his mind wasn’t in the space for experiments or building equipment, leaving Steve to wonder if he would ever see you again.

Tag List: @wolfbeanpotion @vioplay19 @jason-todd-fangirl-14 @crazyunsexycool @zaraomarrogers @bitchy-bi-trash @mrsnikstan @harrysnovia

[saveahorserideaneddie]

fair warning: this is going to be a kinda negative/pessimistic post about the state if buddie in my mind, and is no way meant to cause any kind of anger in anyone who disagrees with me- you have every right to your opinion just like i have every right to mine- but i wanted to get my thoughts on the episode out into my echo chamber, so if you don’t want to read this please scroll now (those who would like to read please read under the cut, but do not come into my inbox or replies trying to start anything if you disagree bc you have been warned)🙏💕

the thing is i can’t even be mad at the episode because it was so reminiscent of the episodes that make me love this show as a show

but the buddie of it all was so disappointing…. like it felt like i was just watching any old episode with a buddie moment that will no doubt spark 50,000 edits and fanfics, but it wasn’t giving “these two are being set up for something more.”

it was literally just the same old buddie- like we got more close-to-going-canon energy in 8a than we did here, it was quite literally just the same dynamic they’ve had for seasons at this point, and while yeah they already act like a married couple, that’s what the GA is used to so if they were actually setting it up, wouldn’t they try to at least make a slight pivot into leaning more into the energy they have?

i’m tired so idk if i’m really articulating my thoughts as clearly as i’d like, but i hope y’all get what i’m trying to say here- like it definitely doesn’t feel like buck and eddie are being set up to like hate each other forever or that they are going to turn into sworn enemies or anything like that, but this ep very much was the same kind of “this is what the writers think best friends act like” energy that we’ve had since s2

i just wish we could have gotten something: a look, a moment, a glimpse of something that could be like “hey- this is different. this is new. you haven’t seen them like this before and that’s important.” but we got nothing like that.

i mean sure- the conversation with pepa was nice (after the random ass bombshell that she had a stroke which… ???? why was that not mentioned before OR taken into account when eddie was moving????) but it didn’t establish anything new for them; she just said “change is good” but like…. show us a hint of how things are going to change, y’know? it can’t be foreshadowing if there’s nothing of substance to support the foreshadowing (and at this point, we have one more episode of the season- are they seriously going to use all of this ryliver bait and all this “buddie” talk outside and not do anything in the show??)

bc like- until they confess and actually act on their feelings, they are not canon; because until there’s and actual action made, the writers have room to change their mind on things again, and suddenly the idea of buddie is getting pushed back to the end of season nine.

it’s been eight years. eight. years. and we’re no closer to buddie canon than we were at the start of s8. one of them may have a “feelings realization” next episode, but what will that be? just a prolonged glance? a face? something that can easily be explained away once ratings and viewership is up again and they don’t have to drag us along anymore? (until engagement inevitably drops again)

people keep talking about “we need pining” or “we need a slowburn” and im like, at this point anything hindering them from acting on their feelings is just delaying them actually going canon, and we run the risk of the writers just completely giving up (bc again- after eight years, the running in circles has to he exhausting for that writer’s room; it certainly is for me who has been here since day one)

if buddie have not confessed/acted on their feelings in any way after the next episode, then we need to accept that they are just blatantly attempting to queerbait us. because let’s be for real: if nothing happens next ep, what realistically could ryliver talk about pertaining to buddie’s future in these interviews? they won’t know anything, bc nothing has been developed or written. it would just be a whole bunch of “oh i guess we have to wait and see” shit.

which is why i still believe we are still being dragged along by the production to keep engagement going after it started tanking post-episode 15/16; because they have set up nothing for buddie in the finale (aside from individual moments maybe that don’t pertain to each other) and with a building collapse/explosion taking up an entire episode of screentime, we have no room for anything to be setup before credits roll.

overall- i didn’t hate the episode in terms of quality; it was well paced, written (aside from a couple nitpicks in character moments but nothing too drastic) and directed- and ofc the acting was amazing as usual- but from a buddie standpoint, it was not giving what all the buzz around buddie/eddie lately implied otherwise would be giving, and it looks like we’re just going to continue being baited throughout hiatus until they inevitably give one of them a new LI to “stir up drama” and then get stuck in the s6 situation where the show gets canceled and we’re stuck with nothing.

[jayceofprogress]

Journal entry: 13.0.12.9.10/995AN

Env. Cond. T = 26° RH = 61%

Result # = Nil

Observations: N/A

Note: Want to make sure I write this all down so I don’t forget any of it. Been a few weeks since the last entry, because Sky found my journal on the lab floor (long story), and I’ve been too paranoid to write anything. As a result…a lot’s happened.

Testing’s been on hold. Still have the S sample, but haven’t been able to do anything with it yet—once the upgrades for the Gates are done, hoping to get started in the next few days.

The gala Cassandra hosted went well. Spoke to the investors from Bolbok’s division—nothing much there worth pursuing; they’re only looking for steel and raw mineral for trade, which I’ve told Bolbok about ten times isn’t us. I’m pretty sure he turns off whatever mechanism he uses for listening during half our meetings so he can doze in his seat.

I’d managed to convince V to come. Guilt-tripped him that I didn’t want to go alone, more like, but hell, it worked. Felt bad I had to leave him to go rub shoulders with half of House Andrille. Nobody had anything of substance to ask or say to me, they all just wanted to be close to me, laughing at jokes even I knew weren’t funny, leaning in close to touch my arm, fluttering eyelashes, licking their lips. Would’ve been flattering if I didn’t know it wasn’t for me. Not really. It was for the posters, and the speeches, and that other guy that gets up on the stage to wave and smile and talk about things like Progress and Innovation like they’re brand labels slapped on empty bottles.

Every time I glanced over to check on V, all I wanted to do was go sit down beside him. I wished I could’ve listened to him taking apart all the stupid, self-absorbed diplomats in the room, and brought him something from the canapé trays all the servers were holding out of his reach, and pretended not to be staring at how good he looked in his nice going-out suit.

By the time I did actually make it over to him, it was late and neither of us were in much of a mood to stay any longer. He’d had a lot to drink—way more than me, by the looks of all his empty glasses, though it didn’t make him any less articulate than usual.

Offered to walk him home. Then insisted on it. Pretended it was a manners thing, even though it wasn’t; just me being selfish, wanting to soak up his company for as many minutes as I could. Maybe it was because of the champagne, or how pretty the stars were that night, or just something finally breaking in my head, but I agreed to come inside. Just for a drink. I never imagined anything else would happen. Well, okay, maybe I’d imagined it, but I never thought it’d actually happen.

We talked. About nothing, really, just work, and then V mentioned he’d wanted to invite me over before, and…

I told him how I felt about him. Not completely, not right away, but. Enough, I think, that he understood. Said there was nobody in the world I’d rather spend my time with. And that he was the best part of me. That losing him would be like cutting all the worthwhile parts out of myself. His reaction scared the shit out of me. He looked horrified, or upset, or something. I thought I’d fucked everything up. Felt like the worst kind of idiot, cursing myself for drinking so much and letting my mouth run away from me. Was ready to die of embarrassment, wanted to leave and throw myself off a bridge, but then.

He kissed me.

The rest of the night’s kind of a blur. I took him to bed. Or maybe he took me. Maybe it was fucked up of me to do that when we were both drunk. I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it; the way he sank his teeth into my shoulder, tugged his fingers in my hair. The mark he left on my neck is still fading. The way his voice sounded, breaking on my name. I told him I loved him. I didn’t mean to. It just came out, like being inside him made my brain forget there’d be consequences for all of it the next day.

I stayed the night, and woke up with him coughing—it was bad, frankly, there was blood—and it doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’ve been keeping an eye on him ever since, even though he was adamant it was nothing. And now it’s awkward as hell. We’re tiptoeing around each other in the lab; all ‘Please, Viktor’ and ‘Thank-you, Jayce’ and cool professional civility. It’s killing me. I feel like we need to talk, but the thought of that is killing me even more.

How would I try to explain it to him? That for seven years, it’s felt like life began and ended in the hours we spent making impossible things real together, holding magic in our hands, his eyes on mine over the light of it all. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m tired of those in-between hours where everything’s just a shade of what it could be. We could come home together at the end of the day, instead of watching each other moving in opposite directions. I could cook for him, instead of just myself, and let him oversweeten both our teas, and wrap his cold, bony feet up in my hands on the couch while he reads, or talks, or laughs at me so hard his eyes crease closed.

I could take him apart at the end of the day—braces first, letting him breathe again, easing his skin with my mouth and holding him up through however much pain he’s in—and then put him together again in bed. In our bed—a place I could share with him. I could hold him together, in my arms, in his sleep.

Council meeting this afternoon, then I need to do more speech prep. Feels like a huge fucking waste of time when I could be here instead.

I’m tired of being Jayce Talis, whatever that even means now—someone I don’t recognize anymore. I just want…whatever I am, and whatever that’s worth, to be Viktor’s. He can do with it as he wishes.

- J.T.

[frownyalfred]

I realized that I wasn't terribly articulate in my last ask (capslocks screaming about dickbabs lol) and figured I'd rectify that.

So, first I just want to say how cool it was you wrote that. Again, it's way too rare to see disabled babs smut (which I get why but a girl can wish rip). I know you said you were worried about toeing the line between Babs disability being a focus and the smut, but to be frank? You killed it.

Unfortunately, when you're disabled (at least, this has been my experience) your relationship with your own body changes, and that includes pleasure. It was honestly really surprising to see someone write about that, the frustration of wanting something you once could have so easily only for it too to be another thing your body is refusing to do. I really related to babs so much in the fic.

It just felt very very real, in a way I rarely see anywhere when it comes to being disabled. It's honestly made my week. This, I don't know how, has so far been the most representative piece of media I've ever seen about the struggle of dealing having a body that won't work how you want and trying anyways. I'm not joking, I wish I was. Idk, I don't know how to say how amazing seeing and reading this was.

Anyways, I'm sorry for rambling so long in your inbox, but I just wanted to make sure you knew how amazing your fic is, and how happy you made at least one person.

(I should talk about Dick and how he not only desired babs and treated her as an equal, but also making sure it was accessible to her (and also very hot) and not diminishing her in anyways and ahhhhh. Sorry I could scream about this for ages!! But since I've already written way too much, I'll refrain. )

Thank you again. I really hope you have a fucking amazing day ♡♡♡

Thank you so so much for continuing your thoughts! I really appreciate the feedback. I’m glad it all worked and felt sexy for both Barbara and Dick 💜 that was the goal haha. Other than sneaking into her bedroom late at night, Dick really came through here as a gentleman.

Pinning her to the bed so she didn’t have to think about moving/not moving her legs made a lot of sense to me, so I’m glad that landed well! Being flexible in bed (heh) is a very good quality to have.